The Life and The Times and The Beginning of The End
by Maddle.p1977
Summary: This is a continuation of Jewels5 fanfiction The Life and Times. It picks up where the author left off, November 1977. Lily, James, and the rest of their friends return to Hogwarts for the last half of their seventh year.
1. Chapter 1: Tangled Up in Blue

" _Goodness James. It's your birthday. Let me at least make you breakfast," Lily was five months pregnant and usually enjoyed having her husband wait on her; but today was different. Today was his birthday- he should at least let her boil the water for tea._

" _No, no, no. You'll probably try to do it the muggle way and end up ruining the eggs." The young wizard winked at his wife._

" _Me? Ruin your eggs? I would not and could not. For one reason alone- I would never hear the end of it as long as I lived. It's my eggs that I'm worried about."_

" _Me too." James kissed his wife's forehead as she took a seat._

" _Honestly James, let me do something."_

" _You're bickering with me. Surely that must count for something."_

" _Oh James, I-" but Lily abruptly stopped._

" _And on my birthday no less!" James continued._

" _James- stop. Come here." The wizard turned around to see his wife awkwardly holding her hand against the side of her stomach. "Come here- quick." James put up no argument and did as he was told. She took his hand and replaced hers as he knelt on the ground in front of her. Then he felt it- just the tiniest little nudge._

" _Lily did you feel that?"_

 _The young witch rolled her eyes. James burst out laughing- of course she felt it, it was her belly after all. Then James bent over and placed a gentle kiss on her belly. As he got up to leave, Lily squirmed. "Oi James, don't leave. He seems to like it better when you're right here."_

" _He?" the young wizard raised an eyebrow as he returned to his wife's side._

" _Yes. I think it's going to be a boy. In fact, I know it is."_

" _Just what this world needs- another marauder." After a moment or two had passed, James scrunched his nose. "What's that smell- oi, the eggs!"_

" _And you thought I was going to ruin them!" chimed a triumphant Lily as her husband raced back to the stovetop._

" _You distracted me. This was your plan all along!" stated a laughing James. The young wizard quickly restarted breakfast with a few flicks of his wand. He turned to his wife and without hesitation. "This, my darling, is the greatest birthday ever. And you and I both know that the list was a hard one to top." He winked and turned to the cabinets to gather plates._

 _Lily smiled to herself. She knew what he meant, but she also agreed with James's earlier assessment. Yes, that was just what this world needed. Another marauder._

* * *

Lathe tapped lightly on the door. He didn't usually 'tap'- he was more of hard knocker, but the conversation he was about to have (again) wasn't an easy one. A forceful "Yes? Open!" came from the other side of the door. Lathe, still feeling a bit unlike himself, slowly and gently opened the door.

"Lathe? What do you want?"

"Moody, I was wondering if we could talk a bit more about our conversation the other day."

"And that conversation was…?" asked Moody.

Realizing this was more of a test than an actual question, and also knowing that Moody loved nothing more than to watch him squirm. Lathe answered.

"Ah yes. I was hoping you would have forgotten about all about that bollocks of leaving."

Lathe didn't hesitate. After what he had just seen- well, more like felt, Lathe needed something else. He needed something worth fighting for. "I have not forgot sir, and I would like to pursue it further. Any permissions, recommendations, etc., etc. from you would be appreciated, but I understand what I am doing. I know my next step isn't inside this office anymore."

"So sure, are we?"

"Yes." Lathe refused to hang his head. He was not ashamed of this decision (was he?). He had worked hard and honorably as an auror, but he needed something else. Moody saw this in his eyes.

"I made a call. The information is on the desk in front. I expect you to report no later than Thursday. I stuck my neck out for you- again. Don't make me regret this."

Lathe shut the door behind him. That went better than anything he could have imagined. What did Moody have in store for him? Lathe had no clue what exactly, but he knew that it would not be easy. In fact, he imagined Moody picked something so dreadful- patrol of the Gringott's front doors, detail to the Muggle's minister's children or cousins or whatever(brats, the whole lot), or worse, so that Lathe would come running back. But Lathe couldn't shake that feeling. The dread still hung in his bones. He needed out.

Needless to say, Lathe was pleasantly surprised when he picked up the memo, and immediately took back any curses he directed toward the head auror's office.

* * *

Lily returned early, just as she said. Hogwarts was home. It was the only place she would find solace, healing, and hope from the pain. It was always the only place that she could ever find those things. She owled Professor McGonagall, thanked the Shackleolts for their hospitality, and apparated into Hogsmead. She walked the road up the school with a few other students who also had arrived early. Only 3 or 4, but still Lily was surprised. McGonagall herself had gone to meet them, and then she apparated them back to Hogsmead. Slowly Lily realized it- they were all muggleborn. Going to their childhood home, back to the Muggle world at a time like this, made no sense. Only Hogwarts made sense. The Head Girl immediately took up her duties as Head Girl and helped the younger students with their bags.

What a relief it was to run into Hagrid. "Oh Hagrid," sighed Lily as she wrapped her arms around the assistant game keeper.

"Lily, what a bright spot during this dreadful time."

"Hagrid- is Dumbledore back yet?"

"I suppose he came back after the service, but, yer know him, he is out and about again."

"He's gone? What do you mean he's gone? Why is he not at the castle?"

Hagrid sighed, "Usually I would tell yer that I shouldn't have said nothing, but people died Miss Evans. Dumbledore is visiting the families. All of 'em."

Lily cast her gaze downward. "Oh," was all she could muster. She bid him adieu and continued their journey to the castle. It was much easy given that Hagrid had collected their bags and delivered them to their rooms.

No one talked much during their walk. Just introductions and questions about their muggle families. Lily preferred the silence. Her head was too cloudy to think and conversing with others only cleared the fog. That was the last thing she wanted. She concentrated her eyes on the forest and the walk ahead. Her left foot then her right foot and then again. She adjusted her robes. She tied, untied, and retied her hair. The ponytail was too tight or not tight enough or lopsided or too high or…. She didn't really care. It was just something to do.

At one point her mind did wander. She wondered what the centaurs were up to, and if they knew about those 87 wizards and witches. Worse, if they knew about Voldemort. Their world would be just as affected as hers so they ought to know. Then she caught herself before she turned into the forest. Someone had surely seen to this, and she herself had only seen a centaur twice. She had never talked to them- they were too far off. When she saw them in the distance, she bowed her head in respect of their might, beauty, and intelligence. One returned her gesture. She would always remember his nobility and grace. She also envied his ability to run free in the forest. She wondered what it was like, which turned her mind to James. Oh James. He could occupy her thoughts for hours. As a result, before she knew it, she found herself in the Gryffindor common room. She knew her bag was upstairs, and there was no need to rush and unpack. She sat by the fire.

After a moment, Carlotta walked in. "Oh Lily! I didn't realize anyone was back yet." She immediately took a seat next the head girl. Lily sighed, "Oh yes, after the memorial I made a point to come back immediately. Hogwarts is home." Carlotta nodded. "Mother and Father returned me here after the service. My Mother is heading to Italy to check on the family there. My Father has all sorts of meetings at the ministry, and neither could be bothered to have their eldest daughter at home. I didn't fight it. You're right- Hogwarts is like home."

Lily cringed, but hopefully not too noticeably. Hogwarts wasn't 'like a home' for Lily- it was home. Carlotta just wanted to be entertained. Lily did not fret too long though- she knew Carlotta had told James. She knew they had broken up. She knew he had moved on.

"I did what you said." Carlotta interrupted her thoughts. "I know it seems like a silly thing to talk about now, but why not? Get our heads off that dreadful mess." Lily rolled her eyes. Carlotta continued. "I told James the truth. Every bit of it. I think we'll be okay." At Lily's raised eyebrows Carlotta noted, "Oh no, not like that. We are going to be friends. We did have a moment before he left, after he found out about Sam, but I think that was just that, right? Just a moment. I'm very good at moments you know."

Lily wasn't sure what type of moments Carlotta's moments were, but she inhaled deeply. She wasn't going to address Carlotta's question, but she would acknowledge it nonetheless. "James, Adam, everyone. They all have a lot to work through right now. Maybe moments are needed or maybe we will give one another space. Regardless, we need to be there for them in whatever way they and we need." She thought back to her own moment with James just a few nights back. She had wished him there, and he appeared before her eyes. He kissed her on the cheek. They held hands in front of her house. She kissed his shoulder. "We should just take care of one another right now."

"Oh Lily- I often find you so annoying. Always saying the right thing, that brilliant head of yours, and those effortless looks. However, at this moment, thank you. For everything."

Lily looked up. There were tears in Carlotta's eyes. For the 87? For James? Who knew? The two girls sat in silence for a few minutes more before Lily realized that Carlotta was holding her hand. And was she meditating? Maybe this was their "moment?" Surely very different from the one Carlotta shared with James. Lily returned to her earlier conversation with James. She would continue to stand up for everyone, chain herself to fountains, speak up for those who needed a voice, and fight in her own way… even for the Carlottas of the world.

The Head Girl then excused herself. Carlotta, in a trance-like state, barely noticed, but nodded her reply.

* * *

In her room Lily found little solace- or rather, even greater solace. Reclining on her bed on top of her spread was none other than Sirius Black.

"Why should I not be surprised?"

"I can always find my way into a beautiful girl's bed. However, I know that we both know that I'm not the bloke who you want here. Nonetheless, here I am my lady- at your service."

Lily rolled her eyes and jumped into the bed next to him. The two lay in silence.

"My lady." Lily looked up at her friend. "I am afraid I come bearing news, or, rather, a gift you might say. A Potter family tradition. I do not know how this gift shall be received, but I deliver it regardless." He held up Lily's letters to Sam. Each had been open and read at least once. A smile crept across her face. "Oh Sirius! Thank you!" She lunged over and hugged her friend.

"Is this how you thank all your owls?"

Lily did not even register his last comment. Instead she exclaimed, "He read it!"

"Yes my dear. All of them."

She buried her head in her heads. Sirius had no idea- was she sad? Happy? Laughing? Crying? Birds were a mystery to him.

Lily came to soon enough and looked at him straight in the eye with a happy smile across her face. "Sirius- my last letter to Sam was about Carlotta and Shelley." Sirius laughed. "Oh my- well at least we know the poor bloke was entertained. Christ Lily- you really love James don't you? Writing love letters to his cousins and what not."

"Oh shush. And it was one cousin. And one letter about one thing. I do not _love_ James. I maybe don't hate his company anymore. And maybe he isn't a total git…." Lily rambled on until she noticed Sirius rolling his eyes.

"Oh Lily. If only he hadn't found you first. You could marry me! Become a Black. We would have wonderfully devilish looking children. A whole pack of them."

"Your family would love that- you, marrying a muggleborn like me? Your mother would die on the spot."

"You are a witch. The greatest and kindest and most understanding witch I have ever known. It makes no difference where you came from- at least I'm banking on that one." Lily nodded her head in approval. "If James hadn't claimed you the second the sorting hat did, I would get down on my knee and propose now."

"I can hear hearts breaking throughout the school. Cries of pain from the Ravenclaw girl's dormitory. Hufflepuffs whose loyalties have been cast aside never leaving their rooms again. Even Slytherin hearts- if they exist, have done somersaults at the sight of Sirius Black and surely they will acknowledge this loss. How will the school go on?"

"My dearest and loveliest Lily." Sirius slowly exhaled, closed his eyes, and composed the most serious expression on his face that he could must in the moment. "Will you marry me?" He quickly jumped off the bed and got down on one knee.

"Oh shut up. Now you're just being a royal git."

"Good. James would kill me."

Lily threw her pillow at Sirius as he walked out the door, leaving her with the letters. Her opened letters.

* * *

At home, James either accompanied his mother on visits to M.F.P. families or challenged his Dad to Wizards Chess. The elder Potter was a master at the game; and, if James slipped up just once, he would lose in three moves or less. Happened every time.

Tuesday morning, his last morning home, Mr. Potter suggested a change in scenery. "You know- I have not been on a proper broom in ages."

James raised his eyebrow. "At your age? I think it would be easier if we just took you up to the top of the house and dropped you out a window. Probably break less bones that way."

The elder Potter laughed. "No- I'm serious. I have not played in a proper Quidditch match in ages, but I bet I could still hold my own in a one-on-one match with my son."

"You're on, old man." And with that, both Potters retired to change and grab their brooms.

The one-on-one game of Quidditch turned out to be more of a game of catch than an actual game. James and his dad spent most of the time reminiscing about James's matches and hilarious (and drunken) chants while tailgating before a professional game. Mr. Potter even shared some old stories from his time as captain of the Gryffindor team. This was the first long conversation James and his father had had in ages, and it felt good. His father wasn't quite his mate at this moment, but he also wasn't quite his Dad. On brooms, tossing the quaffle, they were equals.

This blissful afternoon was soon interrupted from a shriek bellow. Grace Potter bellowed out in an angered tone, "Just what on earth do you think you're doing up there?" James whipped around on his broom, but his eyes did not meet hers. "We were ummm…." James stammered, unsure of what he was doing wrong. "Not you James. Alex- get down here."

As he lowered his broom to the ground, Mr. Potter shook his head. "Really Grace, I am just on a broom with my son. Nothing too dangerous." "But it is dangerous!" Grace interrupted. However, Alex gestured to their son. "Not now, not now. I'm coming down. We'll talk down there."

"We'll talk now! Alex, you know with your hands you simply cannot do things like this. It is too dangerous. What if something had happened?"

Alex swiftly interrupted his wife this time. "But nothing happened. And I am fine. And I am on the ground." Grace collapsed into her husband's arms. "Oh Alex, you have to be careful."

James, ever-so aware that he was witnessing an intimate moment between his parents, lowered his broom to the ground. The scene in front of him only befuddled him further. "Ummm…" James started to interrupt. His father turned to him, "Go upstairs and clean up James. I'll find you in a minute."

As James emerged from his shower into his room, he met not one, but two parents. "James, your father has something he needs to tell you," Grace Potter announced to her son. "James," Mr. Potter made eye contact with his son, and then lowered his gaze as he began to take off his gloves. "It appears," he stated, now rolling up his sleeves, "that I have contracted an illness in my hands and arms."

James collapsed into a corner chair. He was stunned. This was his father. He was the greatest and strongest wizard he had ever known. Deep down inside, he believed his father could even give Moody a run for his money- though he would never say it aloud, again. That had led to quite the debacle at the Potter's Christmas party when James was nine.

When James finally spoke, he could barely find the words. "What do you mean an illness?" Mr. Potter exhaled, glad his son had finally spoke. "Well, as you know, in my previous position at the ministry, I… hmmm…" Now Mr. Potter was the one who was struggling to find words. "I came into contact with various dark objects over the years. And, it appears, a few of them have left their mark."

"Their mark?" James asked, unsure of what his father was saying.

"Not a real mark or anything. More of a slow paralysis." He raised his one hand, grabbed one of James's school texts, and held it out. Shortly his hand started to shake and wobble. James said nothing, but stared. Even after his father lowered his hand, James stared at the spot it once was.

"James, I want you to know I am okay. I am being seen by the most accomplished Wizards in the nation. I have even travelled abroad to see a few." At this remark, Grace Potter turned away. James did not know what to make of this gesture, but instead returned his attention to his father.

"Are you okay?" James inquired. He was afraid to ask the question he really wanted to know: are you dying. He had heard about conditions such as these before- in fact he had read about them in his Defense against the Dark Arts class. Peter even gave a short presentation on the subject in which he only stuttered thirteen times.

"I am fine, James. This, among other reasons, is why I left my post. My condition is also why your mother was home that night, and not at Peverall Hall. Because of that, I am grateful for it. I would have it a million times over if it meant that your mother was home and not there. I am sick, but she is safe and alive and with us now. We all are fine. We all will be fine."

James nodded. He understood most of what his father was saying, but deep down he knew it was worse than he was letting on. James refused to acknowledge that feeling though. His mother had gone crazy when they were out on the pitch. Now she looked down at the floor, unable to meet her son's gaze.

"Alright then. It's settled. We've told James. How about that tea now Grace." At the sound of her name Grace Potter woke up. "Yes, yes the tea." She walked over and embraced her son. "I am sorry I overreacted downstairs."

"Mum, please don't apologize." She held her son perhaps a little longer than usual. "We'll see you downstairs, yes?"

"Yes, but I'll probably just bring it back upstairs. I have to pack."

"Oh right, right. Don't worry about coming down- I'll send it up." And at that the Potters left their son. They left him with a whole new plate of things to worry about. James sat down and owled Remus and Peter. Perhaps his friends would be up for a night of drinking, sans questions, before they headed back to school.

* * *

"Donna, wait. We need to talk." Donna hated that tone in his voice. It always meant something serious was about to be brought up. She turned to meet her brother's eyes, and she was surprised to see that to his right was her Aunt Dahlia. Apparently by we he meant three.

"What is it?" Donna was direct. That was her style. That was her whole family's style. They were Shacklebolts- direct and to the point. Wasting words was wasting time, and she and her sister had to catch a train back to Hogwarts this Wednesday morning.

"Donna, please sit," directed Aunt Dahlia. Maybe this was going to take a little longer than Donna planned.

"Donna. With everything going on, and with my position at the Ministry, Aunt Dahlia has decided to permanently move in with us here. She will be given your room, and you and Bridget will go back to sharing one. I hope this is okay."

Donna was relieved. What did it matter if she shared a room with Bridget? It would be for one holiday. Come spring, she would graduate; and in the summer she would be on her own. "That works." Donna got up to leave.

"One more thing, if you please," Aunt Dahlia stated as Donna flopped back down on the couch. "Kingsley and I have discussed this, and between his position and my old age, it has been determined that you should be named a legal guardian of the children starting immediately. We will file paperwork with the proper muggle authorities upon your eighteenth birthday. Furthermore, I do not want you to worry about me and if I can handle Brice and Isaiah. Felicity McKinnon will remain on to help with these two until they go to school. Also, you needn't worry about money. I am to sell my home and belongings, and those funds will be used for Isaiah's schooling."

Donna was speechless. Few times in her life was she so, but now was definitely one of them. Aunt Dahlia moving in. Selling her house no less! And naming Donna a guardian? This was a lot to digest.

"Donna, do you have any objections?" asked Aunt Dahlia in true Shacklebolt style- direct and to the point. "No. This is best." Of course Donna had questions- she had no idea what any of this really meant. However, it was time to go back to school. She had to help Bridget gather her things and the two would go. When she had some down time, between NEWTs, regular classes, Quidditch, her friends, and everything else on her plate, she would figure this out.

"Alright then. It's settled. Aunt Dahlia will see you and Bridget to the train station while I remain at home with the boys. Thank you again, Aunt Dahlia. There are no other words that truly express my gratitude."

"Yes, thank you," mimicked Donna. But she wasn't sure if she realized what exactly she was thanking her Aunt for… a trip to the train station? Selling her house? Risking her sanity chasing after Isaiah all day? Providing Kingsley and herself with a piece of mind while they are away from home? All of it, she guessed.

* * *

Regulas really only came home to get away from Hogwarts and the looks. After his run-in with Sirius, even his closest friends looked at him differently. He was supposed to be a great wizard from an immaculate wizarding line. Even the one-who-should-not-be-named recognized this. He had selected Regulas to work with him. Who could stun Regulas?

Well that answer was easy- his own brother: a great wizard from an impeccable wizarding line. Even if he was a git, Sirius was a Black. No amount of magic and elf scrubbing on the Black family tree would change that.

Regulas had spent most of the break to himself. He didn't really know any of those wizards or witches. Why should he care? Besides, they did not defend themselves. If they weren't strong enough to stop it, then they probably deserved what they got. "We need strong wizards and witches, not weak ones," Regulas would tell himself over and over again as doubt creeped into his mind.

In fact, he was so absorbed in his own thoughts that he failed to hear Bellatrix enter the house. "Oh dearest cousin of mine!" she yelled from the downstairs banister. "Won't you be a dear and come greet your cousin." Regulas leaped up and ran downstairs. "I… uh… I didn't hear you. Bellatrix," he nodded, "always a pleasure."

"Someone is in a dreadful mood. Perhaps my presence will cheer you up."

"I am not in a dreadful mood. I am in my mood." Regulas stated, whatever that meant.

"Right you are boy. Right you are. Now follow me into the drawing room. Have that elf of yours fetch us some tea."

Regulas followed his cousin to his family's drawing room. She made herself at home. Rather, she looked more at home in this house that he ever had. "I heard about that brother of yours. Don't worry about him- he'll get his. He protests with mudbloods. It's all rather disgusting if you ask me." She grabbed her tea from Kreacher's tray. "Away with you elf!"

"Yes, Madam LeStrange." Kreacher, the house elf, bowed up and down roughly thirteen times on his way out of the room.

Regulas waited in silence. His eyes followed Kreacher as he left the room, and Bellatrix assumed it was because he pitied the poor thing. "Do not waste your thoughts on those _things_ dear cousin. It is truly a service you and your family are doing for him here. He is as high as he will go. In some ways, he is better than a mudblood. He serves the family Black."

"Yes, yes," Regulas murmured. In reality, he loved Kreacher in his own way. Kreacher was always there. Kreacher never judged him for his mistakes, as Sirius had, and he never asked the impossible of him, as he assumed his cousin was about to do.

"I have come on some business, Regulas," and the young wizard stiffened at the sound of his name. "As you know, the master is very interested in you. You are a Black! The noblest of wizarding blood! A long line of men and women who had foresight and predicted the current mudblood problem! No greater intelligence or insight. Of course, of course, you know all this…." Bellatrix went on. "Now, we have a question of you, what do you know of Hogwarts castle?"

"What do you mean? I am in school there. I am sure I know all there is to know."

Bellatrix narrowed her eyes. "Oh I'm sure, I'm sure," she muttered.

Then she spoke up again, "Secret entrances? Hiding spots? Unused rooms? Horrible nasty creatures hanging about? Traps? Security?"

After each of these, Bellatrix paused, and Regulas answered honestly with a shake of his head. He did not know- perhaps Sirius did. But when he tried to approach him about it, it ended rather dreadfully.

"I see you have not gotten further on your task. No matter. We suspected as much."

"We?" the boy asked incredulously.

"Yes _we!_ " his cousin bellowed. "I am beloved of the Lord. He trusts me- more than that Lucius. He knows my loyalty knows no bounds."

Regulas simply nodded, unsure what to make of his cousin's outburst.

Once calm again, Bellatrix made forceful eye contact with her cousin, as if to read his mind. "Yes, of course you know nothing. No matter. There is another way." Those final words dragged off her tongue. They exited her mouth. Regulas saw the words work their way across the room and into his ears like a snake along a tile floor. She tilted her head ever so slightly as she stared, again, deeply into his eyes. "Oh, what a mighty wizard of Black we have here." She reached out and grasped his sleeve. She rolled the fabric between her fingers. She appeared absorbed in its texture and appearance.

She held on a little too long for Regulas's liking. He was sure she was mad, but he could say nothing. He was afraid to even think it.

Bellatrix abruptly stood up. "See you soon my dearest cousin. See you soon." And with that, she left Regulas alone with his thoughts.

* * *

The train ride back to Hogwarts was quiet. Many of the older students utilized this opportunity to study for the NEWTs- or at least pretend to while their minds raced elsewhere. The younger students were still too stunned from the week's events to cause any social unrest. All the students, regardless of house, made their way back to the castle in near silence.

Upon his return, Adam did not seek out Marlene, but rather Prudence. He sat in her car for the entire ride and said nothing. Every time Marlene walked by the car, Adam refused to look up or acknowledge her in any way. One time he feigned sleep. Another he read a book for a class in which he wasn't enrolled.

The first time Marlene walked by the car, Prudence got up. This didn't help Marlene's guilt at all, but she appreciated that her presence was acknowledged. "He doesn't want to talk. He doesn't want to talk at all right now. You understand, right?"

Though she knew Prudence was speaking to her, Marlene also knew Prudence was asking herself the same thing. "I do. I'll come back later." But each time she came back, nothing. Marlene got the hint. She hated it, but she got the hint.

Back at the castle, Mary stuck close to her friends. She could tell there was a change in the air. She could appreciate everything that was going on, but it affected her differently than it did the others. They didn't say it, but she knew the attack changed everything- their studies, their social lives, and, most significantly, their plans for the future.

For Mary it was different. She never had their big dreams about important jobs and important things. She only had her simple ones, and, during a time like this, she clung to them more than ever. Was this bad? Should she aim higher? Should she run and flee?

She did not know, but more and more her thoughts returned to Nicolai Mulciber and the imperio curse he inflicted on her last term. He still haunted her dreams.

* * *

On the Thursday back, Madam Keepdown called special sessions with each class. For some of the students this meant a cancelled potions class or a missed herbology lecture, but they didn't mind. People weren't super eager to talk about it, but no one didn't want to not talk about it either. For some, talking helped make sense; for others, it made it worse.

The seventh years were the last to meet. It was right before dinner, and realizing that a hungry crowd might mean a less-participatory crowd, Madam Keepdown had the elves been tea and biscuits from the kitchen. However, given the nature of the impending discussion, few touched the biscuits. The tea was used as a crutch- it gave them something to do with their hands and mouth instead of talking.

Toward the end the end of class, the seven-years kept returning to the same question: how.

"I just wish they would tell us what happened- how that could possibly happen? Then we could prepare ourselves. We could protect ourselves," noted a Hufflepuff.

"You don't think they could have it they knew? I remember Sarah McKinnon when she was here. She could handle a wand with the best of them," replied a Ravenclaw.

At the sound of his sister's name, Adam flinched. Everyone took note and the conversation came to a standstill.

The Hufflepuff, Stephen something-or-another, spoke up again, breaking the silence. "Surely your brother has told you something." It took Donna a minute to realize he was directing his question towards her. "No," she retorted. She needn't explain further. Those who knew what aurors did, understand why Donna did not know. Those who did not know did not deserve her time right now- or at least that is what she told herself until she looked up. She looked around at her class. She looked down to Lily. Surely Lily had an answer, Lily always knew the right thing to say. However, her friend sat in silence.

Donna sighed. "We just have to keep going." The idea of a longer than normal explanation from Miss Shacklebolt shocked even Madam Keepdown who gazed up at the now standing student. Donna didn't even realize what made her stand, but she did. Unlike them, she had had time to adjust to the new reality of fear and death. Before she continued, Donna thought back to her parents. Those brave, intelligent wizards and their dangerous career- now her brother's dangerous career. How they loved one another and their children. How different it was when it was her mom making the sausage in the morning. When Aunt Dahlia was a holiday guest and not a permanent fixture. When Isaiah was just a baby, and his tears meant a wet diaper and nothing more.

"We just have to keep going," she repeated. "We can mourn, and we should. But after that, after that time has passed, we have to keep going. We can't let sorrow and fear win out, because when fear wins out, _he_ wins. He can't win. We won't let him. We just have to keep going."

"How? How do you do it?" even Adam was surprised by the anger in his voice. He hadn't meant it, but it was just there.

"At first, it's hard. Brushing your teeth, tying your tie, reading a book- those are the hardest things you will ever do. But you do them. And you keep doing them- every morning and every day and every night. You let yourself cry. You let yourself throw your shoe at the wall because the lace broke, but then you pick it up and figure it out. You have to. You just have to keep going."

"Don't you worry that it's like they never mattered?"

Donna shot Carlotta an angry looked before she realized that the question was more about Carlotta's and the other student's experience than Donna's own.

"That's how we show them that they mattered. They mattered to us so much that we have to fight to just breathe without them. It never really gets better, the sadness, the anger, the agony- they never truly go away. They are always there, and they spring on you when you least expect it- a song, your sister's laugh, the way your brother snores." Donna paused. She was venturing too close to home now, but she realized that some people needed to hear this more than she needed to keep it close. "You always carry it with you," she continued, "just like you always carry them with you. But because it doesn't get better doesn't mean it doesn't get easier. It just takes time." Donna sat down.

The room sat in silence. Lily had long ago realized what Donna carried, but she had never expected her friend to share it in such a public way. Marlene rested her head on Mary's shoulder. It was the latter who broke the silence.

"That's the bloody thing about time though- it takes time."

The class nodded in agreement. Some clearly just did it because others were, but some truly felt the wisdom in Donna's and Mary's words. After a few moments, Madam Keepdown blew out the candle in front of her- not with magic, but the muggle way. Lily liked that. "I want to thank you all for sharing today. Those who spoke and those who listened. Your participation was felt. If anyone wants to stay behind, I will be holding a silent vigil in the classroom. I have invited students from other classes to join. We'll have a small dinner sent up at the conclusion."

Aside from Carlotta and few other girls, everyone headed to the Great Hall for dinner. They were drained, and no vigil would lighten their heavy hearts. They needed the company of one another, a bowl of hearty soup and some warm bread, and a prank here or there. Luckily, both the elves and the marauders seemed to know this, and, in the Great Hall, almost every student found comfort. Hogwarts was home.


	2. Chapter 2: 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover

_Petunia had asked her to meet. It was the first time they had seen each other since their mother's funeral- since Petunia screamed at Lily and blamed her for their mother's death. "Why didn't you do anything?! Why? You should have been here. You should have saved her. After all, you are a… a… witch!" It was the only time Petunia had said it aloud in front of Vernon and James. She immediately collapsed to the floor and sobbed. Lily ran to her and apologized over and over again, her own tears overflowing from her eyes. Their mother had had colon cancer. She was diagnosed 5 week prior to her death. She called her daughters and told them three weeks after her diagnosis. She died two weeks later on a Tuesday morning. Lily didn't blame Tuney for blaming her. Lily blamed herself for it as well._

 _That is why it was such a surprise to hear Petunia's voice on the other end of the line a year later. They had said nothing to one another in that year; and, while the silence was deafening for Lily, it was preferred for Petunia._

" _Hello?" answered James. "Oh! Umm, hello Petunia. Yes, yes- she's right here. A moment please." James handed the phone to his stunned wife._

" _I see he's still around."_

" _Yes, Petunia, James is still around. He is my husband after all."_

" _Very well. I still think you should have tried to marry a normal bloke."_

" _You made that very clear."_

" _Right, right. Well, that is not why I am calling. I need to meet up with you. I am pregnant."_

" _Congratulations Tuney!" Lily's anger was immediately forgotten in a moment of pure joy for her sister. She knew Petunia and Vernon had been trying for years. "I am so very happy for you."_

" _Right, of course you are. Everyone is. I have been to three celebratory teas just this week alone… Anyways- I need to meet with you. There is a park down the street from our house. When can you meet me there?"_

 _Lily covered the receiver and explained the situation to her husband. He was worried, as he ought to be, but he figured he and Remus or Sirius could provide lookout while the two met up._

" _Will tomorrow work? The earlier for us the better."_

" _Vernon leaves for work at 7:28 am sharp. I will see you then." Petunia hung up before Lily could respond._

 _Lily arrived before Petunia. James, Remus, and she closely examined the park for any signs, points of weakness, or suspicious elements or persons. The plan was that once Petunia entered, Remus and James would recite the protective enchantments. As James looked out for Petunia, Remus joined Lily while she sat on the swings._

" _Lily."_

" _Remus." Lily's initial smile faded as she continued to address her friend. "Why have you not been at the house? He misses you."_

" _James will get along without me."_

" _I miss you."_

" _Ah, now there is the answer I was looking for." Remus reached over for Lily's hand and held it in his own._

 _After a moment of silence, Lily poured in. "I know you miss him. I know he misses being out there with you. I miss it too. I feel so hopeless, so worthless. We had not planned on this- really. It just happened. I hope you know that."_

 _Lily's words hit a little too close to home for Remus. At first, he had been ecstatic for his friends. They were starting a family. Then other feelings crept in. The most obvious of which was jealousy, and that manifested itself visually as disappointment. His closest mate was going to leave his side at such a critical moment during the war. James's all-nighters staking out death-eaters with Remus were to be swapped for all-nighters lying in a warm bed next to Lily. They would spend their time making birthing plans, buying baby clothes, and putting together the muggle toys that Lily purchased now and not hunting the dark lord._

" _I know Lily. I assure you my absence has nothing to do with that." He lied._

" _Remus- he misses it. I miss it, but I see it in his eyes more. He wishes he could do something." Lily hung her head._

 _Remus said nothing. He wished for the right words. He wanted to say that they were doing the right thing- taking a leave of absence from the Order to have this child, but then he would only be lying to himself and everyone._

 _Before the silence went too long, James whistled. Petunia was walking down the street. Remus stood up, took Lily's hand in his own, and kissed it. "I'll be leaving you now. Good luck."_

 _Petunia strode right up to her sister and stood opposite of her. "Lily."_

" _Tuney- how are you?"_

" _Fine, fine. Some morning sickness here and there."_

" _Petunia- I have to tell you something."_

 _The older sister raised her eyebrow. "You do?"_

" _I am pregnant." Lily stood up so her sister could see._

 _Petunia's mouth stood agape. Before too much silence had passed, however, she laid into her sister. "This is so like you. Can't have the attention on someone else, can we? What's this Petunia- you want people at your wedding to be looking at you? No matter- let me pour champagne on guests' heads. Oh Petunia- you're pregnant? Oh fancy that- so am I. Can't share the spotlight- has to always be about you. What did you do? Wave your wand over your belly after I hung up and poof! Baby!"_

 _Lily endured her sister's tirade. She had expected it. "I am 20 weeks along. James and I did not plan it. In fact, this is the worst time we could have had it. We have both had to leave our jobs. Our friends are in terrible danger..." Lily put her head in her hands as the tears rolled down her cheeks._

 _Petunia sat on the swing next to her sister. "Hormones." The awkwardness between the sisters lifted for just a moment._

" _Hormones," chimed Lily back._

 _Petunia exhaled. "Lily, I have a question."_

" _Ask away." Lily had a feeling what her sister was going to say next._

" _Could my baby… could he or she have anything or be anything or… I don't know how to ask this."_

" _You want to know if your baby could be a wizard or a witch like me."_

 _Lily's eyes met her sister's. Petunia nodded._

" _No one knows how or why muggleborn wizards or witches happen- that is, wizards and witches who are born to two non-magic parents. Some say it has to do with blood, but most agree it has to do with chance. In all honesty, you won't know until the baby is born. And even then, you can't be sure until he or she is older."_

" _Lily," she looked away, and up, to prevent tears from forming. "This is not what I wanted to hear from you today. I am not," she paused, "like you. My child will not be like you either. It cannot be." She stood up abruptly and dusted herself off._

 _Lily sighed. She felt like she had been doing a lot of that recently._

" _Tuney, I am sure between you and Vernon the baby will be perfectly healthy and normal. You have nothing to worry about." Especially compared to us, Lily thought to herself, but she went on, "You're baby will be fine."_

" _My baby better be fine, Lily. Unlike you, I care about the life of my child."_

 _And with that, Petunia walked away._

 _She would never see her sister again._

* * *

James walked into his dormitory room in silence. A week had passed since classes restarted. A week had passed since he returned to Hogwarts. Over a week had passed since he shared that night with Lily. Over a week had passed since his father shared his diagnosis.

James didn't really want to talk to anyone. He hadn't even told the marauders what was going on at home. In fact, he used his duties as Head Boy to escape everyone. Everyone except Lily that is; but, like he, she was distracted in her own thoughts. She existed in the silence next to him. She didn't mind it and didn't press him to talk.

Lily. Perfect Lily. James laid on his bed and tossed his quaffle to himself. Right now, more than ever, he wanted to be with her- be around here, be next to her, be near her. Their practice of silence made it easy, but he dreaded the day when the silence broke, when she would ask him to talk.

Now it was a knock at the door that broke the silence. "James?" Oh god, it was Carlotta. The Head Boy immediately sat up and started gathering his books. "Yes?" he responded.

"It's me. Can I come in?"

"Sure." Carlotta opened the door.

"I'm on my way out. Walk with me?" It was the best thing he could come up with on such short notice.

"Oh, okay. Sorry. I thought you were just returning."

"Yeah I had to grab a few things and got lost in my thoughts, but I'm out to meet Remus to discuss the prefect's schedule. I told Lily I would take care of it, and I figured Remus would have some insight." Again, it was a lie, but it sounded pretty legitimate.

"Oh, umm, well… Remus is in the library studying with Clancy."

"Great- thanks for the heads up." James headed to the door.

"I doubt he'll want your company."

"Ah well, the schedule has to get done. Plus, with me around, he'll look even smarter."

A moment of silence between the two was broken by Carlotta's eyes meeting his.

"James… are you avoiding me?"

Yes he was. "No- I just have a lot on my mind and so many things to do. Honest Carlotta." He was lying again. Something he had promised he would never do while they dated, but now it didn't seem to matter. "We'll catch up sometime soon." Catch up on what? They had barely broken up two weeks ago. She knew what had happened. There was nothing really to catch up on. Except that kiss- but James pushed that from his mind.

"Okay," Carlotta clearly sounded defeated and followed him down the steps. When they reached the common room she turned to him and said, "Let me grab my books, and I'll walk to the library with you."

James looked up. Lily was sitting at a table with Donna, reviewing their Potions notes. She flinched; and even though he knew she heard Carlotta, Lily did not look up.

"Carlotta- don't worry about it. I realized I have to stop by McGonagall's office on the way. Don't worry about it. I'll see you around the dorm."

Carlotta paused. She wasn't going to spend any time trying to convince anyone to spend time with her, especially in the common room surrounded by others. However, James's going out of his way to avoid her threw her off her game. What was he getting at? Had the kiss confused him that much? She wasn't sure what to think.

James looked over to Lily. Carlotta didn't notice his quick glance. Lily didn't look up, but he could tell she was registering the situation.

"Bye James."

And with Carlotta's farewell, the Head Boy slipped out the portrait hole, really unsure of where he was going next.

* * *

Lily looked up as James left the room. She had just seen him go up to his room a mere ten minutes ago. He looked exhausted, and she assumed he was going to pass out. They had been on patrol last night, and they actually walked the halls for a bit. He had looked tired then, and he looked tired now. Lily understood- Lily was tired, too.

The next day was Potions Class. The last few classes Slughorn had partnered them up, and he seemed to prefer Lily working with Severus. As long as the potions were complicated, Lily didn't mind. It kept her partner and her occupied. It prevented them from talking about anything really except the task in front of them.

Today she wasn't so lucky. The task at hand was an easy one- one she had brewed on her own only too recently.

"Yes, draught of peace is a review for many of you, but it will most likely be one of the first questions on your NEWTs. They prefer an easier potion to set your mind at ease and assess your skills before they dive into more complicated recipes…" Slughorn went on and on as he walked around the classroom. Lily turned to her partner. "Well, let's begin." The two set out, each settling into their usual roles and tasks. He began to prepare the ingredients while Lily gathered the other necessary supplies. She then set about getting the cauldron at the perfect temperature. The controlled setting of the classroom made it a lot easier than the last time she had brewed this. This time Slughorn would gather the samples at the end. She would not be slipping it into the drink of a then-barely-alive-but-now-dead dark wizard.

"I was really hoping for more of a challenge this morning," noted Snape.

"Well, given everything that happened, maybe he just wants to get us back in the swing of things. Calm our nerves."

Snape merely nodded in response. Lily had given up on the friendship, but she hadn't given up on him. She never really gave up on anyone. She had always wanted the best for her old friend.

They continued to work in silence. Pretty soon they would run out of items to check off their list. They would stir the draught seven times, both clockwise and counter-clockwise, and be done. As it had been with James these past few days, Lily preferred the silence.

Lily's thoughts turned to Sam. Sam was the first person, since Snape, with whom she immediately had clicked. Upon their first introduction, the conversation easily flowed. She missed Sam. She missed having that confidante, away from her dorm mates and away from the marauders. He was a safe haven for her emotions. She could deposit them with him, and he seemed to know exactly what to say to her in return. Lilly turned to Snape. He had been that once for her, but, now, never again. What was worse- because of people with whom Severus now associated (she assumed), she had lost Sam forever.

"Severus. What did you make of the attack? Did you go home after? Stay here?"

"I stayed here and studied."

"Did you know anyone?"

He shook his head. Lily wasn't sure why she was asking, but she pressed on.

"Well, what do you think about it?"

"What do I think about what about it?"

"Anything!" the tone in her voice surprised even her. She took a deep and calmed her beating heart. "How do you think it happened?"

Severus shook his head. "I don't know." He wouldn't meet her eyes. He pretended he was absorbed in the powdered porcupine quills. Lily didn't know why she was pressing him- she knew he had nothing to do with it. That didn't mean, however, that she didn't think he knew more about it.

"Sev," at the sound of his nickname he turned his head, "do you remember the first time we brewed this draught?"

A smile crept across his face. "It was over the summer, before fourth year. I had found it in on a scrap of paper at my mother's house."

"Yes- we had no idea what it was for exactly…"

"I believe you had your theories."

Lily chuckled. "I thought if I would give it to Tuney that she would stop fighting with me. I had used her hairbrush that morning and forget to clean it out and return it. She threw it at me. I felt bad- I had left it on my dresser and then it fell into the waste bin when she came storming in."

"Yes, Lily, you always hoped to make amends with her, though I never understood why."

"Because she was my sister and I loved her." Severus nodded in response, and Lily sighed. She hadn't told Severus about the wedding. She was afraid that would only strength his arguments against her relationship with Petunia.

Lily was surprised, however, that Snape didn't put up more of an argument. She looked over at her old friend. He was absorbed in his thoughts. She couldn't quite get a look at his eyes, but she knew why. It was always ominous when he wouldn't meet her gaze.

* * *

Marlene had no idea what she was getting herself into when she walked to lunch late that morning. She had been separated from her friends when class ended and didn't mind. She was lost in thoughts and wasn't in the mood for much conversation. That is why it was such a jolt when Valeri Turpin ran into Marlene's left shoulder as she walked to the Gryffindor table.

"Hey- what was tha…? Valeri? What was that for?"

"You know Price."

She didn't at first, but when she turned and saw the glares she got from the Ravenclaw seventh year girl's table, she had a clue. She slid into the seat next to Mary and turned to her friend, "Please tell me you didn't…"

"No- they are just assumptions. I have not said a word."

"Okay well then why?"

Mary had anticipated her friend's question. "Adam broke up with Prudence. Prudence didn't press him on why- given everything that's going on, but she may have mentioned to a few people that _you_ visited Adam before the memorial."

"He didn't tell her?"

"Nope. And I wouldn't read too much into that Marlene. Adam needs his space right now, you get that?"

Marlene nodded, but Mary made sure her warning messages went noticed.

"I'm serious Marlene. This is the last thing Adam needs right now. Remember after your attack? You broke up with Miles for real, for real. Adam was right there, but he didn't push you. You shouldn't push him- don't push this, you understand? It will only make things worse."

Marlene stopped nodding, and put her face in her hands. "Yes."

"And stop looking so guilty. You have to make this as easy on Adam as possible. After all- you're the one who kissed him."

Marlene opened her mouth to object, but nothing came out. Mary was right. She had kissed Adam when he was most vulnerable.

Marlene turned to the table in front of her and pulled out some of her notes. Mary was going on about some new robe style she had come across in the pages of Teen Witch, but Marlene wasn't listening. Her thoughts went back to that night, like they had been doing a lot these days. He said he loved her, but not 'I love you Marlene.' It was an 'I love you Price.' She was just a friend.

Oh, but the way he kissed her back said otherwise. And then, when they stopped, he kissed her mouth one last time. And then he rested his forehead against hers. He did that.

This wasn't going to be easy. Marlene could feel the daggers being thrown her way from the Ravenclaw table. She even turned around once, just to see if she could spot Prudence. She never found Prudence, but she did come across roughly 17 looks of disgust. One girl even mouthed the word "slag" her way.

They are just rumors. This will blow over. Before she knew it, her eyes met Miles Stimpson's. He winked. She thought she was going to be sick.

* * *

Donna also had a surprise waiting for her on her way to the Great Hall. As she turned the corner there he was. Talking to her sister- no less. What was he doing here? Why was he talking to her? Fear crept under her skin and into heart faster than she had let it in a long time. Oh god. Kingsley! She ran to Bridget's side.

"Is it Kingsley? Is he okay? Can you take us to him?"

"Hello Donna. What's this about Kinglsey?"

"That's why you're here, right? That's why you're talking to Bridget." Donna grab her sister's hand. Bridget giggled.

"No, I am not here on auror business. As far as I know, you're brother is more than fine."

"Oh." Donna let go of the death grip on Bridget's hand. "Then what are you doing here?"

"Mr. Lathe," responded Bridget. She quickly corrected herself after a wink from the gentleman. "Excuse me, _Lathe_ , is here to head up security of the castle."

Donna let the news settle in.

"Yes, I've taken up a new position. Moody made a call, and here I am. I was just discussing my living arrangements with Bridget here…"

Bridget's giggling interrupted Lathe. "He's living with Hagrid!"

"Well yes, but we're working on that. I hope to move back into my old office or another soon."

"Oh. Okay. Kingsley is okay though, right?"

"Yes Donna- Kingsley is fine! That's how Mr. Lathe, err Lathe, recognized me. Said I looked just like you except that I smile more."

Donna raised her eyebrow as she turned to Lathe. "Well, it's true! You never smile," added Bridgett as she turned to her sister. "I'm going to lunch." And with that, Bridget made her way into the Great Hall.

"So are you here on auror business? The D.M.L.E. has put a permanent auror at Hogwarts?" Donna knew things were bad, but surely Hogwarts was safe without a permanent auror. They had Dumbledore.

"Well, not an auror, but yes- my position here is much more permanent than last."

"What do you mean 'not an auror'?"

"I mean that I am not here as an auror. I have taken a leave of absence from the department."

"Oh," it was hard to hide the disappointment in her voice. Leave the auror department? She had never heard of someone voluntarily leaving the department before, except for retirement. She had always assumed aurors were aurors for life.

Lathe also clearly felt uncomfortable. "Yes. Well I will be seeing you around Shacklebolt."

"Yes," she responded robotically, "see you." And with that she walked into the Great Hall.

Her friends weren't hard to find. In fact, half of Ravenclaw appeared to be pointing in their direction. As soon as Donna got her food, she found a seat next to Lily. (Actually, she did not really 'find it' as much as she walked up and told Peter to 'move.') "Lathe is here," she stated as she sat down.

"What? Lathe? Is something wrong?" ask Lily.

"He's the new head of security at Hogwarts. Moody got him the job."

All the girls raised their eyebrows in surprise.

Mary broke the silence. "Nice, Don. Easy access for you."

Lily scolded her friend. "Mary, he's engaged." Donna had completely forgotten that. "Besides, if the ministry saw fit to position him here- to position a permanent auror on castle grounds, then something serious must be up."

That's it though," Donna added. "He's not an auror anymore."

"What do you mean- _not an auror_? That doesn't make sense…" Lily trailed off. She began writing her next letter to Alice Longbottom in her head. Even though Alice was still in training, she must surely have some insight into the situation.

"He didn't say much, but I think it was his choice…. Not the new job that is, but leaving the auror department." Even now, after she had time to process it, Donna still sounded disappointed.

Mary tried to rile her friend up a bit more. Noting that Donna would have to start wearing a little make up or actually do her hair, but Donna paid no heed. She finished her meal and got up to leave.

"Why do all the Ravenclaws keep pointing at you?" Donna asked Marlene before she left.

"Don't ask." Marlene buried her head in her hands.

"But I just did."

"Adam broke up with Prudence and everyone thinks it has something to do with Marlene," added Mary. Even when it came to her friends, Mary wasn't shy about gossip.

"Does it?" Donna asked. Her head turned to Quidditch. If Marlene messed up the chemistry of the team she was going to kill her.

"Just leave it alone Shacklebolt." And with that, Donna left. She had enough on her mind as is.

* * *

The beginning of December brought with it a full moon. The marauders stuck to their usual plan. Sirius and James were surprised, however, when Remus announced the morning after that he had switched with Lily and had patrol tonight. "But I gave you the night off to recover!" protested James.

"I know, and I appreciate that, but, well…."

"Clancy had to change her schedule. Remus said he had to as well. They settled on tonight," quipped Peter.

"That is the last time I invite you to study in the library with me…"

"With you AND Clancy. And Clancy didn't mind. She invited me to come next time."

James winked at his friend. "Fine- if you want to walk around the halls in the dark with a girl you fancy, I will not stop you…"

"Thank you for your kindness my dead friend." Remus rolled his eyes as the words came out.

"Birds- can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em." Sirius added.

When an "amen" came out of Peter's mouth, the other three marauders exploded in a fit of laughter.

"What?" asked Peter.

Remus should have spent the rest of the day catching up on the work he missed. Instead he showered twice. Changed his robes three times. Tried to work some charms over his cuts and scrapes. Debated whether or not to ask Lily to cover-up his bruises. Made his way to the Head Girl's room three times to ask, but turned around each time. Hexed Sirius twice with a silencing charm. Dodged two of his friend's own before falling to the floor. He then had to redo his hair. Finally, he felt okay about his appearance and settled into his Defense against the Dark Arts homework until it was time to leave. With twenty minutes to go, he got up to make his trek to the Prefects Bathroom, their designated meeting point. However, on the way out, Peter and Sirius pulled a final prank, which resulted in Remus having to change a fourth time.

"Hello Remus," Clancy said happily. "Why is your hair wet?"

"My mates decided I needed to shower as I walked out the portrait hole. I hope I am not too late."

Clancy smiled. "No, you're fine. Funny mates you have though."

"Yes, haha, very funny." Remus rolled his eyes. "Where to?"

"To the left."

Clancy and Remus set about their normal third route. Since they had begun patrolling together, Clancy and Remus had come up with a system. Three separate routes through the castle's corridors. They took turns selecting which one on which night. This night, Clancy selected it. The first place it took them was the Astronomy Tower.

"Oh Remus- did you see the full moon last night?

Remus nodded.

"The view from Ravenclaw tower was extraordinary. No clouds. It lit up the whole sky."

Remus continued to nod. Clancy noted her usually chatty friend had gone silent.

It wasn't just that Clancy Goshawk was expecting Remus to ask her out a proper date, she truly wanted him to. She would ask him herself, but noting Remus's sensibility thought better of it just yet. She and Charlie Plex had broken up only a few weeks ago. Remus would want to be very respectful of the feelings of all parties involved. Although given everything that had happened since, those few weeks felt more like ages ago.

"Is everything okay, Remus?"

Her words seemed to wake Remus up. "Oh yes, everything is okay. I supposed we ought to look around." They scanned the tower for misplaced witches and wizards out late for a romantic rendezvous.

The truth was that the talk of the full moon put Remus is a bad mood. When Clancy first mentioned she had to switch nights, she suggested last night. That obviously would not do so he selected tonight. When she began the third patrol, he had realized where they were going, his heart sank. The Astronomy Tower. On any other night, it might be the perfect opportunity to kiss her. But not tonight. Not with that still giant orb taunting him from above.

They continued on their patrol. They discussed upcoming classes and stories about home. Clancy had gone home and planned to attend the memorial, but her mother was too depressed. Tilly Figg had been close to her family. Her mother mourned on her own at home- she had her own way. Clancy and her brother sat with her during those days. She knew her mother would be okay, but she still wished she could have gone to the service.

"It was okay," noted Remus. "Some man named Fudge spoke. Not quite sure why or who he is though."

"Did your family attend?"

"Yes, yes we did. Well," he paused, "my father and I attended. My mother…"

"Oh right- she hasn't been well for a while now."

Remus couldn't help it. He still felt guilty. You would figure he was used to it by now, but no. The guilt remained.

"Yes. I was with her just with her again. She had a spell."

"Oh. I do hope she's alright."

"Yes, better now."

"Where do you take her? St. Mungo's? A muggle hospital?"

Remus was used to these questions, and they never angered him- especially when they came from caring hearts like Clancy's. He knew she was asking mostly out of concern and the other part out of a pure-hearted curiosity. He could simply not answer. People like Clancy would get the point and apologize for prying.

He didn't not want to answer her, though. He wanted her to keep talking to him and him to her. He enjoyed her company and didn't want that to change. Unfortunately, that meant more lying.

"In a way, both. She gets treated at home by doctors from various institutions. It's easier that way." He knew Clancy wouldn't ask why, and he never truly had an explanation for that. People just usually accepted it.

"Oh my- the muggle doctors come to your house? I mean that makes sense because of your mom, but still… fascinating."

Remus nodded. He was hoping for a change in conversation. It came, but not quite as he expected.

"Tell me more about muggle medicine…" Luckily Remus's maternal grandfather and uncle were both doctors. This conversation would be an easy one.

"Well, what do you want to know?"

The rest of the night went like that. At the end of their patrol Remus walked Clancy to her dorm. They hesitated outside of the Ravenclaw statue a bit, but Remus knew tonight was not the night. Their first kiss would be reserved for another night. The guilt over lying, even though it happened often, was too much for Remus tonight. He bid her adieu and headed back to his own house dorm.

On the way, Remus returned to his thoughts on the astronomy tower. His secret. How it affected his friends. How it would always affect what he could do, where he could be, and who he could be with. Could he tell Clancy? He had no idea. Even if he decided to- if he decided to trust her, that would not come until much time at passed. No, he couldn't tell her- especially while they both were at Hogwarts. It was too dangerous and would cause trouble for too many people. Especially his friends, and given everything they had gone through (including those things they had done to each other), he could not put them through that.

No. He would not tell Clancy.

* * *

Peter was surprised when Lily asked him to sit next to her during lunch the other day. He was even more surprised when she sought him out a second time. Perhaps she was trying to learn what was going on with James- not that he knew, but he had no other idea why Lily Evans, one of the most intelligent, beautiful, and kind witches in the school would want to spend time with him.

"Peter! How are you?" asked Lily as she joined him at his library table.

"Good. Just waiting for Remus."

"Peter- before Remus comes I want to ask you something."

Here it comes. Something about James. "Go ahead Lily. Ask away. I'll do my best to answer, but I make no promises."

"Peter, what happened that day between Sirius and Regulas? The day Sirius stunned him after the… after everything at Peverall Hall."

"Oh… umm… hmm…" Peter was surprised. He wasn't expecting this. He decided it would have been easier to talk about James's love life at this point. Peter didn't know what to say.

"Peter. You were there. What happened?" At lunch the other day, Lily had walked in the Great Hall behind Regulas. He looked so much like Sirius- he even walked like him. Then, when Peter walked in, she realized she had never figured out what exactly had happened between the two brothers several weeks ago. Usually, she would just write it off as a spat between siblings- comes with the territory of Hogwarts and big wizarding families. However, this was different. Sirius, as James had let her know, was on probation. One slip up and who knows what would happen.

"I remember that Regulas called out Sirius's name as we walked by. I think he wanted to get him to turn around and get his attention before he hexed him? I don't know."

"Who hexed who first?"

"I don't know. They started talking, and I tried to convince Sirius to walk away. When he wouldn't, I went for James and Remus… You know this."

"If he wanted to hex him, why didn't he just do it?" asked Lily.

"I don't know Lily. It was awkward to be there, between the two brothers. I know they don't talk as much anymore, but it was like watching your friend's parents fight. They were saying things that I don't think they wanted others to hear."

Lily sighed. "Thanks Peter. I'm not sure it matters. No one is complaining. McGonagall and Slughorn aren't pursuing it. I just saw Regulas that day and then saw you and wondered what was up."

"It's just brothers fighting Lily. I wouldn't worry about it more."

"Thanks again." Lily got up to leave.

Peter watched her leave. He had thought about that day a lot. The things Regulas had said to Sirius- how they stood no chance. There was a triumphant sound in his voice. And when Sirius finally hexed him, it felt more like a defeat for the older brother than a victory.

Peter returned to his studies. He tried to forget the worries that filled his head by concentrating on his charms homework.

* * *

When Marlene saw Prudence walking down the hall, she wanted to jump into the closest empty classroom. All she spotted was one of Filch's broom closets and decided against it. When she looked back, she realized Prudence was heading straight for her.

"Marlene…" Prudence's voice was shaky as she walked straight up to Marlene. "Has he said anything to you?" Marlene could see the tears forming in Prudence's eyes. Marlene's heart sank. She shook her head.

"I ask because he didn't say much to me- just that he couldn't do this anymore. I couldn't press it, you know? Also I didn't know what to say or think- I still don't know what to say or think."

Marlene let go of the breath she had been holding. "I am sorry Prudence. He'll talk when he's ready."

"Are you sure he hasn't said anything? Not necessarily recently, but before everything happened?" Prudence's wet eyes searched Marlene's.

"I am sorry Prudence. If he does talk to me, and he wants me to tell you, I will." Marlene meant it. Part of her was being selfish, and she knew that. It was easier to have the whole school only _think_ you're a bad person. She didn't need to confirm it. Besides, it was Prudence's and Adam's relationship, not Prudence, Adam, and Marlene, right? Maybe she should have thought about that before she kissed him. Marlene looked down at the ground. She didn't know what to say.

Prudence broke the silence. "I lied to you."

"What?" Marlene was shocked.

"When I said he didn't love you anymore- love you in that way, I lied to you. I knew he still did. I was just trying to convince myself he didn't. When you didn't argue, I figured I was right…. But… but I was wrong"

Again Marlene was speechless. She started the only way she knew how. "Prudence…"

"Marlene don't. Please. I don't want to hear it from you." And with those words, Prudence knocked the wind out of Marlene. She turned on her heels and walked away.

Marlene sat on the first bench she could find. When the hallway cleared, she buried her head in her hands. She wasn't crying- she couldn't deny how her heart flipped when Prudence said what she did, but she was embarrassed, humiliated, and the guilt was killing her. Frankly, she didn't know if she was allowed to cry.

"What are you doing?"

Marlene jumped in her seat. She began to weave an excuse in her head. When she looked up, she realized she was talking to a little girl.

"Oh."

"Are you crying? Why are you crying?"

The little girl sat on the bench next to Marlene. "I am not crying. I am thinking."

"About what?"

Marlene sighed. She had no idea what this little girl wanted and only a slight clue who she was (James and Remus said something about a Professor's daughter?) so she went with an easy answer.

"Nothing." She looked at the little girl taking a seat next to her. "What's your name?"

"Valentina. What's yours?"

"Marlene."

The little girl giggled. "Marlene. Maaaaaaarlene. Marleeeeeeeene."

Marlene laughed. "Okay, okay. I get the point. My name is funny to say."

With that, the little girl stood up. She held out her hand. "Want to see something even more funny?"

Marlene couldn't say no. And with that, she forgot her own problems for a moment and let this nine year old take her hand. She led her to a suit of armor down the hall. Marlene could hear Mrs. Norris, Filch's cat, meowing loudly from inside. Valentina shook with laughter.

"The armor… it's meowing!"

After first Marlene rolled her eyes, she wondered who had put the poor cat in there _again_. Then she joined Valentina in her laughter. It was funny, and laughing felt good.

"Come on. We better get out of here before Filch comes and blames us." As Marlene said this, Valentina's eyes widened. "Let me walk you home," said Marlene as she held out her hand. The little girl smiled at the opportunity. Unsure of what to do or say next, Marlene went with a "you lead the way."

When they got to the door of Valentina's father's apartment, Valentina didn't let go of Marlene's hand. Instead, she looked up at Marlene and said, "Can you wait a minute? I wanna get something." Without waiting for Marlene's reply, she ran inside. When she came back, she had a program from an old Puddlemore United match.

The little girl held close, hesitated, and then handed it to her new friend. "Will you sign this?"

Marlene's cheeks turned red. "Oh, thank you, but I think you have me confused with someone else."

"I saw you. I saw you play this."

"You were at the game?"

"Yes, and I saw you play. You were good."

If Marlene's cheeks could turn to a deeper shade of red, they would. She wasn't used to compliments about her quidditch skills.

"Please sign it. You're the only one I really want to. The other boy was weird."

"Ummm, okay. Where should I sign it?"

The little girl pointed and handed her a quill.

"We really should get you a program from a women's match."

"There are women's teams?" The excitement in Valentina's voice was matched by the excitement in her eyes.

"Yes, yes there are."

"I want to see them play someday."

"Me too," added Marlene.

Marlene handed the program back to the little girl.

"Thanks so much!" said Valentina as she held the program close to her chest. Once handed the quill, Valentina skipped inside. How one could feel so low and so high in one day was a mystery to Marlene, but today was one of those days.

* * *

James and Lily sat back-to-back on the floor of the Head office. If they were going to study for their NEWTs in there, Lily had decreed this was the only way to do it. Otherwise they would just distract each other and get nowhere. James would comment on Lily's incredibly detailed notes, or Lily would end up scouring James's to find something to incorrect. They would usually end up laughing or talking about something else, therefore Lily decreed a new policy and James tried to obey.

James didn't mind. This meant Lily would rest her back against his. He would smell her apple shampoo, and, every once in a while, her hand would brush up against his. It was a win-win. Spending time with Lily where he could avoid the difficult issues and feel her next to him was nice. If only they didn't have to study…

As usual, even with Lily's posture intervention, they ended up getting off track. The holidays were coming up. Soon they would be apart. Both claimed to not really looking forward to it- Lily wouldn't be able to study like this at home and the Quidditch team always relaxed a bit too much, but neither cited the true reason they did not want to go home: time away from one another and distance between them. Instead, they sat, their backs pressed together, and discussed gifting strategies.

"Just get them liquor. That's what I always get Padfoot, Moony, and Wormtail. They love it."

Lily laughed, "I know they'd appreciate it." She thought back to the night at the beginning of the semester when the girls finished a rather large bottle of firewhiskey in the Head Girl's dorm room. "But, I want to get something different for all of them."

"That's easy: firewhiskey, tequila, and rum. Done."

"Impressive James."

"I know, I know. It's hard to hide my genius sometimes."

Lily chuckled. "So will you be getting the marauders the same thing this year?"

"Of course. I wouldn't want to disappoint my mates."

Lily went for it. "What about me? What will you be getting me for Christmas James Potter?"

"Ah, yes, and then you will truly marvel my genius."

Lily turned. "Did you really get me something?"

"Of course Snaps. I checked you off the list ages ago."

"Good. Because I got you something."

James couldn't wipe the smile off his face if he tried.

They both pretended to return to their studies. Because it was only December, Lily didn't feel the intense pressure of the NEWTs quite yet and didn't mind the distraction of James. She rather welcomed it. In a few months though, she told herself, things would have to change. However, months away were months away, and she was enjoying herself right now.

"Psssst." James interrupted the silence and nudged Lily's elbow with his. "Psssst."

Lily turned. "Yes?"

"Shhhh… pass this to Snaps."

Lily took the note from over James's shoulder.

"What is this….?" She held up the folded note between her fingers. She was dying to open it, but she wasn't going to let him know that.

"Just a little Christmas fun," stated James as he turned to face Lily.

Lily was distracted from the note as James gathered his books. "Alright Snaps. This is when I leave you: Quidditch." He got up, winked, and left the room.

Lily hated how her stomach flipped when James winked at her. She also loved it too. James Potter was going to be the end of her.

Lily tried to return to her studies, but James's note kept taunting her. Finally she gave up and unfolded the note.

The first fold opened up to her name in a stately cursive handwriting, "Miss Lily Evans."

The second, "Is cordially invited to".

The third, "James's Potter's parents very happy, but somewhat boring Christmas party."

The fourth, "Hopefully her presence will resolve the latter issue."

And finally, inside, she found the date and time: Christmas night at the Potters. Below the words, "Please come. I promise it won't be dreadfully boring. With Sirius and I present, that would be impossible."

Lily returned to her book with thoughts of a happy Christmas in her head.


	3. Chapter 3: Holiday Break

" _I am sorry Lily, but I was definitely a better roommate."_

 _Lily rolled her eyes. "I'll let you think that Sirius."_

" _Now, now love. Let's keep it PG up here." Sirius pointed to his head._

" _I give up! I'm throwing in the towel- again. For the 591_ _st_ _time. You two enjoy your alone time." Lily winked as she walked up the stairs leaving her husband and Sirius alone with the baby._

 _Sirius got up and leaned down to talk to the baby. "That, my favorite Potter, was a lover's quarrel. I know mummy and daddy argue often and only agree on which one of Daddy's friends are most attractive, but," Sirius continued, "it is true. Your mummy loved me first. I had to beat her away with my nimbus, and then she settled for Prongs."_

 _James laughed out loud. "So that's why it took so long!"_

" _I can still hear you!" Lily yelled from the landing._

" _Frankly, I wouldn't have been surprised if you had come out with jet black hair and that crazy Black look in your eyes."_

" _Lily- what's he getting at?" James yelled, still laughing._

" _I have decided I can no longer hear either of you, only my baby, who is complaining about the smell on his uncle Sirius's breath."_

 _Sirius cupped his hand and breathed in threw his nose. "Can't slip anything past your old lady, can I?"_

" _I would lay off the firewhiskey. I would also suggest a lighter perfume next time, but something tells me that's not yours," stated Lily, her voice now trailing in the distance between them._

" _Oh no you most definitely cannot," Sirius answered himself as James laughed. Sirius joined his friend on the couch as Harry smiled up from his blanket on the floor._

" _Padfoot, given any more thought to it?"_

" _And to what am I thinking? You know how it bothers me so."_

" _Oh yes- very trying in your old age, thinking is… The 'it' I am referring to is your furry problem."_

" _You must have me confused with Moony."_

 _James laughed, "I am serious Padfoot. If you were a dog, we could keep you here with us. Dumbledore wouldn't know… or maybe he would and not care. And Harry would have you here. A boy and his dog- what could be more perfect?"_

" _Well I imagine my social life would suffer…"_

" _Are you sure?"_

" _Prongs, I knew you missed me, but this much? Besides then you would have to feed me and walk me and wash me because, oi, the fleas. No one wants that. Not even the ladies at the Leaky Cauldron."_

" _Are you sure?" asked James with a crooked smile. Sirius shook his head. James continued, "It was worth another shot, no?"_

" _Speaking of another shot…." Sirius began to fill James in on everything with the Order, their victories, their losses, new threats, and on and on._

 _James let him finish. The good news made him happy, and the bad news, sad. The reality was that, for the first time since Lily became a full part of his life, James had found true joy. After losing his parents, James felt like he lost a bit of himself; and when Lily told him the news he didn't know what to expect- who does?, but his heart leapt. There he was- his boy, their son. When Harry held onto to his finger and looked into his father's eyes, James knew he had made the right choice by remaining behind- though there really wasn't a choice to begin with._

" _James? Come in James? Are you there mate?"_

 _James looked up from his son. "Padfoot, would you like to be a godfather?"_

 _A greater smile had never grown on Sirius's face. "I'd thought you'd never ask."_

 _And with that answer, Lily let out a "Finally!" and marched down the steps with the celebratory drinks._

* * *

Donna did not believe it when Marlene told her about Valentina and the Quidditch program. Donna did not believe it in the sense that she thought Marlene had honestly made it all up. A fantasy in her head. A way to pass the time given the drama going on in her life. However, Marlene knew different. Marlene felt different, too. She felt good- not necessarily always good all the time, but good when she thought back to the whole thing. There she was, this little girl, excited to meet her and have her sign some random Puddlemore program. If nothing else, these thoughts brought Marlene a small piece of happiness when she was home.

"And he really hasn't said anything at all to you about anything?" asked Mary for roughly the fifth time that day.

"No Adam hasn't… Mary, have you ever seen that little girl around the castle?"

"You have to be more specific than that. Now that we're seventh years, everyone under year five is little to me."

"The professor's kid."

"Yes I have," continued Mary. "Did you hear about her mother?"

Marlene shouldn't have been surprised. Mary always had gossip. "No, what happened? Everything okay?" She sounded more concerned than she realized, but that little girl had been so sweet to her.

"She left him- Professor Ramsey. She was a ballet dancer or something and wanted to return to her career."

"You mean she left them! But how could she? Poor Valentina."

"Well I heard from Valeri Turpin that…"

"Oh great- that's a trustworthy source," interrupted Marlene.

Mary went on knowing her friend would want to hear this. "Anyway, I heard from Valeri Turpin that the mother wanted to return to dancing, and so she asked them all to travel with her. He had to stay in London for his own work. He was completing research on occlumency for the ministry. She decided to remain behind in London while her troupe toured. This made them both dreadful, and they decided to separate. Because the little girl was born a witch, it made more sense for her to stay with her wizard father than travel with her mum; but, when her mum is in town, Valentina goes and stays with here."

"Oh." Marlene hated to admit it, but she was glad her friend had continued. "How does Valeri know this?"

"She claims Ramsey used to work with an uncle's wife's brother doing something-or-other." Marlene raised her eyebrow. "Honestly Marlene, I know I'm good, but I'm not that good. You can't expect me to remember everything."

"I know, I know." A moment of silence passed between friends as Marlene thought the little girl's story over. Valentina was being raised by a single parent. Marlene knew what that was like.

"Are you sure Adam hasn't said anything? Sent you an owl or even a muggle post?"

"Mary."

"Fine, fine, fine. It's not like you to hold out on me, but I thought I should ask just one more time."

Marlene changed the subject. "Are you going to the Potter's?"

"Yes, did you get Lily's note as well?"

"Yes. I feel bad about leaving mum on Christmas day, but she has my brother."

"We simply must go. Imagine all the people who might be there. And, unlike you, I have not been to the Potter's. I hear it's expansive and impeccably decorated."

"Yes, yes. I think it will live up to all your expectations Mary."

"Did Adam say he was going to be there?"

Marlene sighed. "For the millionth time, Adam is not and has not talked to me."

"Just making sure."

* * *

"Oi, another? Is that two in one day?"

"This is the first and only Padfoot- you know that."

"I don't know, Prongs. We are both nursing some pretty brilliant hangovers. I think it might be her third letter today."

"It's the first."

"Well aren't you keeping track."

"And besides, she didn't owl yesterday. There's only been two since we've been home…"

"In the three days we've been home, mate, Lily Evans has owled you twice. And solid letters by the looks of it. Not just a simple 'No. Leave me alone.' stuff we're used to."

"We? Sirius, really? And it's just prefect stuff," James grumbled.

"Sure."

James threw a book in his friend's direction. Even hungover, Sirius easily dodged it. James obviously wasn't trying that hard. Also, Sirius assumed his mate rather enjoyed the teasing over Lily Evans. For years Sirius had teased him about his unrequited love, and, yet, here it was- in all its requited glory.

"Now what does Miss Evans want to know? The key to your best mate's heart?" asked Sirius.

"Yes, how did you know? That is what Lily is writing to me about- Sirius Black." Okay- maybe the sarcasm was a bit of a lie because Sirius was mentioned in the letters, but James sure as hell wasn't going to let his mate know what Lily had said.

"A lover's intuition, I guess." James threw another book. This with a little more effort, but still Sirius dodged it. Sirius continued, "Well what does that saucy little minx want to know?"

"She's coming to the party." James said aloud as he continued to read.

"My dearest Prongs- do I detect a smile on your face? And this close to the holiday season? For shame! That is not the despondent and depressed James Potter I know."

"What are you talking about? You must have me confused with Moony," and with that Remus entered the room.

"James, you are good looking, but not _that_ good looking. People would never confuse us."

"Here, here Moony," stated Sirius as James returned to his letter. "Where's Wormtail?"

"You know him- mummy issues. Can't leave without proper mother-son bonding time. The ritual was not complete when I stopped by earlier."

"Will he make it to my Christmas party?"

James looked up at Sirius and asked, "Your Christmas party?"

"Ah! He comes up for air. He speaks! What joy! Rapture! Fine, fine. Yes, yes- the Potter's Christmas party. That's what I meant. Will Wormtail be here for the Potter's Christmas party?"

"Peter wouldn't miss a chance to drink with you for the world- especially after a week with his mum," noted Remus.

James folded his note. "Good. It'll be good to have us all here. Who knows where we'll be next Christmas."

Sirius turned to their newest addition. "Remus, did you know _Lily Evans_ is invited? And she has bloody accepted! Alert the news media. Surely this is an easy cover story for the Daily Prophet." Sirius fell back on James's bed. "Lily Evans here. In James Potter's house, no less. On Christmas!"

"Oh really?" added Remus. "What does he want us here for then?"

"I haven't the slightest idea." This time, when James threw the book, it landed squarely on Sirius's stomach- it was a big one too.

"Oi- I felt that one."

"Good." James turned to Remus. "Moony, want me to invite Clancy?"

Remus thought it over. "Umm…" He would like to see her. Remus always enjoyed his time with the Ravenclaw prefect, but it was complicated. He was still working out his feelings concerning her. If she came with these two clowns around, Remus was afraid she would get the wrong idea- even though he wasn't sure what the wrong idea was yet. "No."

No, not yet. Remus still needed time to work through all of this.

James looked inquisitively at his friend. "Moony- are you sure?"

"Yes, I am sure. The next one. Invite her to the next one."

"Alright- next Christmas it is. Clancy is on the list."

"Moony. You won't believe this," spoke their friend from his still outstretched position on James's bed. "Lily Evans has written James twice since school let out." Sirius rolled off the bed and stood up just in time to dodge James's paperweight. "Oi mate- that would have left a mark!"

"You would've survived."

"Twice? In three days? Dare I say it: our Miss Evans must be smitten," said Remus.

"We've written to one another over holiday before Remus," dismissed James, though he was probably the most ecstatic of them all at the realization of this bit of knowledge.

"Prefect business, I assume."

"Oh yes, of course," said James. Remus rolled his eyes.

"Remus you keep that up you might find a brain back there."

"Remus- don't mind Prongs. He's just a bit touchy when it comes to the subject of Miss Evans," added Sirius as he walked toward the door. "I'm going to get a snack from the kitchen. Do you want anything?"

"I'm good," answered Remus.

"Your Christmas present is in the bottom cupboards, second from the left, behind something or other. Bring it up to share."

"Oh James! You shouldn't have!" said Sirius. He batted his eyelashes at his friend, but James was busy at his desk. "See? After all these years he ignores me at the sound of her name." Sirius turned and walked out the door.

The Potter's home had become Sirius's second since moving in years ago. After his mother killed a house elf for little reason, he disavowed their pureblood reliefs and was scrubbed off the family tree. It was a long time coming, and no one was surprised when it finally did; but when Sirius moved out he found a place to stay with the Potters. It was never quite home, but it came pretty close.

"Grace- really, honestly, I'm fine." Sirius froze a few feet from a cracked office door. The firm tone in the voice of James's father, Alexander Potter, surprised even Sirius.

Grace Potter, James's mum, sighed loudly. "You should have told him the whole truth."

"And what, upset his final year at Hogwarts? And besides, that was only two wizards' opinion."

"One of which happens to be one of the greatest to have ever existed."

"Oh phewy, I think I could give Dumbledore a run for his money."

"Now you sound like our son."

"I'm here Grace. I'm not going anywhere. That wasn't a spell- honest. I just tripped. My feet are fine. I am fine. I am not going anywhere." Sirius could see the two embrace through the crack in the door.

He didn't want to hear anymore. Sirius slowly backed up, careful not to make a sound. His heart sank and his head swirled with a million thoughts. What did he mean he's not going anywhere? And he tripped? Something about his feet? And told him the whole truth? What did James know? What didn't James know?

Déjà vu. That was the only way Sirius could explain it, and that didn't make it any easier.

* * *

Remus had left hours ago. Sirius, who had grown unnaturally quiet after his kitchen run, lay sleeping in the next room. Or outside smoking. Or he snuck out and was sleeping at some broad's place. James didn't really mind. It allowed him time to read Lily's letter in peace. Lily's second letter. Lily's second letter in three days.

James hadn't lied earlier- they had written each other over breaks before, but with such frequency? Never. Even he noted the change. Now it was harder than ever _not_ to get his hopes up. Also, she had agreed to come to the Christmas party. At first James didn't know what to make of the fact that she had suggested inviting the others, but, as she went on to point out, Sirius would be there. Also, it was their final year at Hogwarts. Who knew where they would all be come next holidays? It made sense to celebrate together.

When James had mentioned it to his parents, they were surprised. Their son had never taken interest in their party before. In fact, they often had to beg him to leave his room and mingle for a few minutes. A few of his friends would be harmless, they thought. Plus, Alex had led Grace to believe that this Lily girl was the one James had been smitten with for all those years. A childhood crush realized. Even Grace noted the romanticism of it all. They could all come- why not? The more the merrier. She had her family together and safe, and that was reason enough to celebrate these days.

 _James,_

 _Home is fine. I really do love seeing my mother and being here- especially after everything this November. We are doing Christmas morning here- just my mother and I. It will be lovely. However, and I hate to admit it, I will miss my sister._

 _How's home? How's Sirius? I am sure he is entertaining to have around the house. I thought maybe he would go to his cousin Andromeda's for the holiday, but I am glad he is with you. I do worry about him- especially during times like this. People go on and on about the importance of family and spending time with loved ones._

 _Speaking of family, Petunia has failed to call or visit since I have returned home. I know it has only been three days, and she keeps giving my mother some excuse; but I know it's because she doesn't want to see me after the wedding. I don't know remember if I told you this, but I may or may not have dumped a glass of champagne over her sister-in-law's head. Trust me when I say she deserved it._

 _It's hard not to feel hurt when one is neglected by one's family. However, I know it has more to do with Vernon than me- at least that's what I keep telling myself. When I called on my first day back, he had some smart comment ready to go. Tuney told him I cannot do any magic while away from school. I wish she hadn't. Anyways, she has not called back._

 _I am looking forward to your Christmas party. I have to attend a small dinner at Petunia's and Vernon's before I come. Mother arranged it all. It's just us. I don't think Vernon wants me around his own. I can't say I disagree. If there is someone who is more awful than Vernon, it's that sister of his. I would probably end up dumping a whole pie on her head or blowing her up like a balloon. Maybe both her and Vernon. That would be a sight, wouldn't it?_

 _I will see you soon James. Be sure and have a happy Christmas._

 _Lily_

With Christmas only a few days away, James knew he would write her again. He hoped for a response between then and the party. It would help pass the time at home and keep his mind off of things. However, James couldn't help but worry. He still told himself not to get his hopes up when it came to Lily Evans though he ignored the fact that he was failing miserably at this. She had sent him two letters. Two letters in three days.

In his three days at home, James never found himself alone with his father. That was both a good thing and a bad one. Good because it didn't allow for any serious questions and conversations. Bad because it didn't allow for any serious questions and conversations. Their second day home Sirius had challenged Mr. Potter to a game of Wizards Chess. At one point, his father had raised his hand to point out a mistake Sirius had made- a critical one. As Alex Potter raised his arm, James saw his hand twitch. Mr. Potter lowered it as he looked over at James and winked. Instead, Mr. Potter relied on his words to explain the blunder and what would happen next to Sirius's bishop. Fortunately for James, Sirius did not seem to notice.

It was weird- not telling anyone about his father's sickness. He had wanted to tell Lily; but he felt it was too personal to write it down in these letters, and telling her in person meant he would have had to say it aloud. James did not want to admit this news to himself, let alone say it aloud. No, it would have to wait.

 _Lily,_

 _Vernon and his sister sound awful. You should definitely hex them- with muggles like that, the ministry would probably give you an award. At least I would. It would be a nice one with a medal and ribbon._

 _Sirius is brilliant. He is the ideal house guest: eating all the food, drinking all the booze, and being a ruckus during all waking hours, which basically means all the time. All and all, I would not change a thing. I believe Christmas morning he will apparate over to Meda's. My mother actually arranged it. Sirius is her favorite son after all._

 _I am sorry to hear about your sister. Now that I am no longer an only child and given my fight last summer with my dearest brother, I get it. Let me give you some sage advice some bird gave me: you have to say you're sorry, and you have to mean it. You didn't really do anything wrong, but you feel guilty. Deep down you know it is really some broad's fault for deserving to get champagne poured over her head, but still you blame yourself. You have to say you're sorry and forgive yourself. You don't want to miss your opportunity to let her know where you stand and make things right. She's the only sister you got. Unless you want a brother- because if so, I have no problem sending Sirius your way. Something tells me he could help you out with that whole Vernon debacle._

 _James_

 _P.S. Not one mention of official Hogwarts business in the last letter? How else will you keep up this rouse? You might have to admit to yourself that you, too, have succumbed to my charming good looks and dashing ways._

James sealed it. He would send it in the morning. Maybe afternoon? He had to time it right.

* * *

Lily Evans head existed somewhere between dreams and reality. It was the morning, and her brain seemed to sense the light coming in through the window. As a result, in her dream it was also morning. In fact she was in her own bed wearing her nightgown. Except unlike real life, in her dream she wasn't the only person in her bed. He was there. She could feel him behind her, his arms wrapped around her, his kisses on her neck. She could feel his knees in the crook of hers. His hand gently move up and down the side of her body. In her dream, Lily pretended to sleep and waited for him to wake her.

"Lily," for some reason his voice seemed to purr. Lily didn't mind.

"Lily."

She started to wake up. She would do her best to rearrange herself gracefully so that she would be facing him. She wanted to wake up and see his eyes.

"Lily!" Okay. That definitely wasn't James Potter.

Lily shot up in bed. "Lily Evans! Your sister is on the phone. Wake up and come down here!"

That was her mum- definitely not James Potter.

Lily turned. The warm body she felt behind her? Ira purring on the bed beside her. Lily decided that even on holiday, she needed to start setting an alarm.

* * *

The Potters Christmas party invitation was nothing new. When she was younger, her parents went. After spending the day with the children it was nice to get out. Aunt Dahlia had always arrived on Christmas Eve so she could enjoy the holidays with the family and then babysit that night. Donna envied how smart and handsome her mother would look on nights like those. She would dress-up, but not too much. She would wear some make-up, but only very lightly. Just some eye-liner and mascara really- to highlight her beautiful eyes. She would say she had flour or something or other all over her from a day in the kitchen, but Donna could see none. Her mother looked wonderful.

Then it was Kingsley who went. Donna pretended it was to keep up appearances and traditions; but she knew that after a long day with the kids, her brother was looking forward to getting out of the house. This year, however, would be different. This year she would be joining her brother.

As a result Kingsley had sent her out to run some errands. On the list, a bottle of firewhiskey for the party. His parents had never shown up empty-handed, and he was not about to start. A few other things were needed, as well, for Christmas dinner. Aunt Dahlia had mostly compiled that list, but Kingsley added a few things here and there. Donna could tell by the handwriting who wanted what. She also found it amusing when she came across a crossed-out item, only to see it added later and perhaps crossed-out again. She figured she would get everything- crossed-out or not, and let the two of them duke it out.

Donna hated to admit it, but Kingsley and Aunt Dahlia seemed to work out some sort of system. This was the best behaved she had seen Brice and Isaiah in years. Even their primary school teacher noted the improvements on their end of term reports. Also having to worry less about money was a huge relief. Before she left last summer she had talked to Tom about working some shifts at the Leaky Cauldron over break. He said he'd do his best, but he couldn't make any promises. Didn't matter now. Now the only job she had to do was pick up the items on this list.

Donna was looking down as she walked. Still musing over her brother and aunt's scribblings when she heard it, her last name. She looked up, and there he was- a fair haired and fairly handsome wizard around the age of thirty.

"Thought I might find you or Sirius at the Leaky Cauldron over break."

"Lathe." She was surprised at how comfortable his name sounded in her mouth. "No- I ended up not picking up any shifts. Were you hoping for some drinks on the house or something?"

Lathe gave Donna a half smile. "From you- no. From Sirius, maybe. But no, I am returning to some of my previous investigations at Hogwarts. I am wondering if there was a common link between any of it aside from the school."

"Any luck?"

"If I recall," Lathe continued, ignoring her question, "your friends and you turned up rather frequently at my office door."

Donna did not know what to make of this comment. "What are you trying to say?"

"Relax Shacklebolt. I just wanted to talk to your friends- especially considering two of them had unforgivable curses inflicted upon them." Donna thought back to last year- the pain and trauma both Marlene and Mary underwent at the hands of other twisted wizards or witches. Lathe had stopped Nicolai Mulciber and spared Mary more torment- though that's not to say she walked away unscathed. No one knew exactly who cursed Marlene. She knew Potter had his theories, but nothing solid behind them.

"Mary and Marlene have already told you all they know. Why revisit it? Just more pain." Donna shifted uneasily. It bothered her that they never figured out who had cast the cruciatus curse on Marlene. Though Marlene didn't seem to mind, it bothered Donna. Bridget had just started- what if something like that happened to her?

"I don't want to talk to them. I want to talk to their friends. I want to hear your theories."

"Why?"

"Something is going on at Hogwarts. Given everything that happened last summer and this November, I wouldn't be surprised if he-who-must-not-be-named was targeting…."

"Woah wait- what?"

"As I was saying, I wouldn't be surprised if he-who-must-not-be-named was targeting young wizards and witches. They are at their most vulnerable during their time at Hogwarts- their most impressionable, and they are searching for purpose. The combination of the two is intoxicating for those who wish to take advantage of others."

"Have you told Moody?"

"Donna- I am not an auror anymore. I report to Dumbledore... ant then he owled Moony."

That's right. Donna forgot. Her mind turned to Kingsley. Donna wondered if Kingsley had heard any of this, and if so, why hadn't he said anything to her- just given her a heads up.

"What do you want to know?"

"Why don't we grab a drink?"

Donna crossed her arms. "I hate to ask, but don't you think your fiancée will mind you buying a young witch a drink?"

Lathe smiled, "You know the phrase 'what people don't know won't hurt them?' Well it won't help them either, and I need your help."

Donna gave in; and with that, the two made their way through Diagon Alley and back to the Leaky Cauldron.

* * *

"Carlot-ta," her mother called from downstairs. "Carlot-ta, will oo please-a join us in tee parlor?"

Carlotta was not used to being summoned by her parents. In fact, she was not used to seeing much of her parents at all, let alone being summoned by them.

"Coming!" Carlotta blew out her candles like Madam Keepdown had shown her. According to Madam Keepdown, the motion and the breath allowed them to exhale the moment, leave it where it was, and move on. Simply a marvelous metaphor. Carlotta began applying this practice during all her early morning meditations.

When Carlotta made it downstairs, her parents were fully dressed and wrapping up their breakfast. Their house elves were fast at work taking the dishes away.

"Sit-a, my darling, your fah-ter and I-a have someting-a tat we would like to discuss wit oo." As a child Carlotta had been envious of her mother's accent. Not only was she an extremely beautiful witch, she sounded so exotic. When their parents held dinner parties, men, single or not, would flock to her mother's side just to watch and hear her speak.

"Yes. May I have a bowl of fresh fruit and some tea?" Carlotta asked a house elf as she sat down at the long, formal, oak dining table. When they ate together, her parents ate all their meals in the formal dining room. Her mother said that's what it was for, but when it was just her, her father, and her siblings, they ate around the round table in the kitchen. That is where Carlotta normally would have had her breakfast after her parents had left for work.

Carlotta's father continued to read the prophet as she took a seat next to him. Carlotta had a feeling the 'we' that would be talking was her mother.

"Carlotta, we know dat you and James Pot-ter were an item…"

Oh this was awkward. Carlotta answered, "yes."

"Owever, your fah-ter and I-a ave received an invitation to dee Pot-ter's Christ-mas party."

"Oh." Where was her mother going with this? She wish she had the fruit in front of her or something to do with her hands. Discussing her love life with her mother was the last thing she wanted to do.

"We would like-a oo to come wit us, no?" Her father looked up and nodded.

Carlotta did not see this coming. She very rarely made such social outings with her parents. They came from a good family with a long history, but not the best family. During the war, her mother's family had aligned themselves with the losing side. After the war and after her school, her mother came to England to reestablish herself. There she met Carlotta's father. He was an attractive enough wizard, or at least that's Carlotta thought her mother thought when they met. He was, however, on the up and up making a name for himself at the ministry and connected to all the right people. Of course the wizard fell in love with Carlotta's mother- most men do, and they married and had children. Their concern for their children, and saving their children from the trials they faced, meant that they spent a lot of time focused on their careers and social standings. They surely saw this invitation to the Potters as another opportunity to climb the social ladder. As for Carlotta's invitation, Carlotta thought her parents probably felt they owed their daughter a bit of gratitude.

Carlotta's fruit arrived. She placed her folded napkin delicately over her lap. She looked up and addressed her mother, "I would love to accompany you and papa."

"Buonissima." And with that, Mrs. Meloni rose from the table. She gave her impeccably tailored outfit the once-over and adjusted her delicate hat ever so slightly before heading to work. Carlotta hated to admit it, but she envied her mother. Her father took one last sip of is espresso, stood up, kissed Carlotta on the forehead, and followed his wife.

When they had floo-ed to work, Carlotta gathered her breakfast items and made her way to the kitchen table. There she could eat in peace and face east to greet the rising sun.

* * *

"Thank you Petunia- it really was delicious." Lily helped her sister gather dishes from the table as Vernon retired to the front room. Lily's mother got up with the excuse that she was going to join him. In reality, she wanted to give her daughters some time alone on Christmas.

"And where is it that you are rushing off to again?"

"Petunia I am not rushing off anywhere. I can stay if you like." Inside Lily's head, she chanted _please don't ask me to stay. Please don't ask me to stay_.

"Lily, honestly, Marge is coming over. Do you really think she wants to see you?"

"Tuney, I said I was sorry. I mean it- I am truly sorry. I couldn't cool my head. It won't happen again.

A "hmph" was all Petunia could muster. Lily very carefully brought Petunia's china to the sink as her sister tied an apron around her waist.

"Let me sweep while you start the dishes."

"The broom is in the closet under the stairs"

Lily swept up under the table, reset the chairs, and wiped down the tablecloth.

When she finished that, she stood at her sister's side by the sink. "Here, let me dry those. Then I can help you reset the place settings."

Petunia looked at her sister in the eyes and then quickly away. "I don't know what you're implying. They are only coming over for dessert." Leave it to her sister to still want to put up appearances.

"Well.." Lily tried to give her sister a way out of it. "Your wedding china is so beautiful I'm sure they'll just want to see it out. It really was a sight when we came in."

"It is lovely, isn't it?" Petunia smiled and held up a wine flute in front of the window.

When their mother had mentioned the 'early dinner' Lily knew what it meant. A first, lighter meal, for Petunia and Vernon with Lily and her mother. The real feast would happen later after they had left. Lily didn't care- all she wanted for Christmas was to spend some time with her mother and sister. She didn't even care if Vernon was present. Of course, she wanted other things to, but those could come later.

"This will be a lovely house for children, Tuney." Lily continued.

Petunia said nothing. Lily had heard from their mother that they were trying, but she didn't realize it was such a sore spot. Also, the whole idea of her sister 'trying' anything with Vernon made her stomach turn.

Lily continued to help her sister, but they performed the rest of their duties in silence. Lily didn't mind the silence or the chores. She was just happy to be in the kitchen with Petunia. They had done dishes a million times before, but never did Lily appreciate it as much as she did in that moment. Petunia seemed to enjoy Lily's presence too. They fell into their old routines and habits, and, before they knew it, the dishes were done, the kitchen cleaned up, and the table reset.

Their mother popped her head around the corner. "Lily, I believe it is time to go. I am exhausted."

"Yes, let me grab my things and say goodbye to Vernon." Lily turned to her sister. After a moment, Lily surprised herself and hugged Petunia. Petunia didn't seem to know what to do at first, but eventually gave in a little here and there. "Tuney- your food was delicious and your house is beautiful. Thank you for having me." She let go and went in to the other room.

"Vernon, thank you for everything." Vernon looked bewildered by the presence of his sister-in-law, as if she had not been there all afternoon. "Your house truly is lovely. Happy Christmas." She bent over and kissed a shocked Vernon on his balding forehead. Vernon who definitely looked scared out of his wits at this moment barely mustered a "Thank you."

When they got to their car, Mrs. Evans turned to her daughter and laughed, "what has gotten in to you Lily Evans? I am not complaining, but whatever or _whoever_ it is, keep it or him around."

"I just followed someone's good advice, that's all."

"Whose?"

"My own."

Mrs. Evans could not help but continue to laugh, and the two made their way home.

* * *

To say Lily Evans changed her outfit six times would be an understatement. To say she changed her outfit ten times would be an overstatement. Regardless, after thirty minutes of getting ready, Lily was no better off than she had started.

Her mother peered in from the hallway. "Remind me, you said _your own_ advice, right?"

Lily turned to her mother. "Yes, why?"

"Nothing," her mother chuckled as she walked away. Lily settled on the first outfit she had chosen. A simple black dress and some smart looking robes to wear over. She had curled her long red hair and swept it the side with a pin. Then she applied only a bit of makeup and went to face the firing squad, but first- her mother.

* * *

"What do you think?"

"Now I do not claim to know what is in or out of fashion in our own culture let alone the wizard one, but, my lovely Lily, you look timeless." Her mother kissed her on the cheek. "Have fun."

Lily grabbed a small bag of packages she had prepared, and then headed outside and around a corner where she could easily apparate. The plan was to meet up with Marlene at Mary's before heading over to the Potters. Donna, who was going to the party with Kingsley, would meet them there.

Mary opened the door. "Lily- tell me you are not wearing that?"

"What? What's wrong with it?"

"Everything," answered Mary.

"I mean- a few touches here and there wouldn't hurt," added Marlene.

"Really?" Lily turned to the mirror and adjusted her dress. Almost a minute passed in silence as Lily continued to fuss with her outfit, reapplied some very light lipstick, flipped a few curls in her hair, and gave herself the once-over.

Mary and Marlene looked at each, and then burst into laughter. "Lily! You like a boy!" teased Mary. Lily walked further into the apartment, away from the mirror, and past her friends. She adjusted the neckline of her dress one more time while stating "I have no clue what you are talking about."

"The look on your face. You were terrified. You have never cared about your clothes that much before," stated Mary.

"And the time spent staring in the mirror. You didn't even shower before Alice's and Frank's wedding!" added Marlene.

"Please. This is different. Some of the most accomplished wizards and witches will be there."

"And James Potter," noted Marlene.

"Has Lily Evans finally come to her senses after all these years?" inquired Mary.

Lily rolled her eyes at her friends. "Please, let's just go."

"Someone is super antsy to get over there, now isn't she?"

"Is there anything I can stay to stop this nonsense?" asked Lily.

The two looked at each other and laughed. "Nope!"

"Fine. Then let's take this show on the road."

And with that the three young witches made their way to the Potter Family Christmas Party.

* * *

Grace Potter was incredibly surprised to see her son cleaning up between their meal and the party. "James- no need to worry about that. Your father hired some wizards for the evening. They can take care of this." But James didn't stop. Grace walked over to her son and placed her hand on his forehead.

He looked up, "yes? Can I help you with something?"

"Who are you and what have you done with my son?"

James laughed his mother off. "You always said I never get you what you want for Christmas. Well, here I am helping. Happy?"

Grace narrowed her eyes. "You look like my son. You certainly smell like my son. But I am not convinced."

With the last plate removed with a flick of his wand, James turned to his mother, "consider it a Christmas miracle."

"Bah humbug!" added the just-then returned Sirius Black.

"Sirius, please, do something about this. James is being helpful. He's being pleasant. He's cleaning. He's not even harassing the wizards we hired for tonight. What happened to my boy?"

"L'amour," stated Sirius in an exaggerated French accent. "L'amout est la poésie des sens."

Grace turned to her son, "Oh really?"

"Bah humbug to you too!" James laughed at his friend who was now lounging on a chaise in the Potter's hallway.

Grace began laughing herself and then added, "Aw yes. Now everything is right with the world. You two go up and change. The guests should be arriving soon."

* * *

If Grace Potter had been surprised earlier in the evening, she was shocked by the time the party begun. There he was- her son! At their family party! Mingling, no less. Without being asked or forced or bribed. He had not come downstairs so willingly since he was eight.

"Alex- look!"

"Is that our son?"

"Yes!"

"Heavens to betsy. That's our son."

"I know."

"Maybe we should have invited that Evans girl years ago," Alex Potter winked at his wife.

"Maybe," added Grace as she went to greet their newest visitors.

"Yes! Come in, come in. Alex- the Melonis are here!"

They greeted one another warmly. "It haz been too long!" stated Carlotta's mother.

"Yes, yes," replied Grace, "welcome to our home."

"Ow lovely! You must ave spent dee ole day preparing, no?"

"Oh no, it really was easy to prepare. And, believe it or not, James was a huge help. If only I had known to invite beautiful young witches to the party ages ago, I would have." Grace nodded in Carlotta's direction. "Carlotta, James is in there somewhere. You should go rescue him from his father's boring friends."

Carlotta had been slightly confused before, but now she hadn't a clue what to think. When they kissed weeks ago in his dorm room, she got the sense something was still there. Then he spent the next few weeks avoiding her- however that could mean one thing or another. But this- Grace Potter suggesting her son had fretted about all day anticipating her arrival, was icing on the cake. Surely James was still interested. It wasn't that Carlotta wasn't interested, it worried her that she still might be. James Potter brought out all her wildest insecurities to light. She did not like that at all. Still- he was a wonderful kisser. And with that, Carlotta wandered off into the party to find James.

* * *

"Abort, abort, abort!" Sirius whispered into James's ear. James was talking to Elphias Dodge about the changes to the Quidditch rulebook over the years and their effect on the style of play when his friend approached him. James excused himself politely from the conversation, and Sirius stepped in.

"Sorry about that. You know how tough hosting duties can be. Can I get you something else to drink Mr. Dodge?"

"Ah yes. I am drinking this marvelous beverage that the gentleman behind the bar concocted. Let me walk with you. I'll ask him to make it again. Now tell me boy, what year are you at Hogwarts?" Sirius and Elphias made their way to the bar. They weaved around conversations and trays of food and walked straight into the beautiful Carlotta Meloni.

"Sirius. What a pleasant surprise. Happy Christmas!"

"Happy Christmas to you as well mademoiselle!" Sirius bent over and delicately kissed Carlotta's hand.

"I am looking for James. Have you seen him?"

"My dear he was just-"started Elphias before Sirius interrupted him.

"He was just heading over to help with something in the kitchen. The Potters have hired a company to take care of tonight's festivities, and they aren't quite sure where everything is. Rather than bug the hostess, James has stepped up." Sirius surprised himself with how quickly he came up with that one.

"Oh- where are the house elves?" asked Carlotta.

"Let go ages ago," added Elphias, "that dear Grace released them. Some refused to go so she hired them on, but now they work elsewhere. How she handles this house, the other, _and_ those two wizards of hers, I do not know."

"We're headed to the bar," stated Sirius. "Care to join us?"

"Ummm okay," Carlotta didn't have anything better to do and followed her ex-boyfriend's best friend and an older gentleman to the bar.

* * *

"She's gone James. It's all clear. Sirius and Elphias took her to the bar in the other room."

James returned to the room from the hallway. "I have no idea who you are talking about Moony." He folded his arms across his chest and leaned on the door looking as cool as a cucumber.

"Prongs- I wish I had your problems," moaned Peter who stared longingly in the direction of the now departed Carlotta Meloni.

"And what problems are those Wormtail?"

"Hiding out from one of the most beautiful girls in school? Man, Prongs, what I wouldn't give for a night with Carlotta Meloni."

James and Remus's curiosity was piqued. "What would you give for a night with Meloni?"

"Oh I don't know. I haven't really thought about it that much…"

"Your wand?" asked Remus.

"Your left hand?" inquired James.

"I'm going to get a drink." Peter waved off his friend's inquiries with a hand and followed Sirius into the other room.

"What about your left foot?" yelled James at his departed friend.

Remus tugged on his sleeve, "Look."

Remus didn't even have to say where- James knew. Even without a marauders map, James figured her could find Lily Potter anywhere. Especially when she looked like that. Lily removed her robe with help from the wizard at the door to reveal the perfect black dress underneath. It seemed to hug her body in all the right ways. The neckline went from shoulder to shoulder, revealing her collarbones and then gently dipping in the middle. She cinched it at her waist with a black belt with a silver buckle. He dress stopped right below her knee and revealed the black patent leather kitten heals she wore on her feet. Dangling from her wrist was a simple silver bangle that matched her silver earrings, which shimmered in the light as she moved her head. In her other hand she held a medium-sized bag with holding some festively wrapped gifts. Lily's hair was gathered over one side and cascaded down her shoulder. He make-up was minimal- just enough to highlight her greatest feature, those green eyes. James was done for.

Remus let out a low whistle.

"Down boy," teased James.

"I would howl, but I fear it would be lost on this crowd."

"I wouldn't blame you.

"I don't blame you. There are few witches out there as intelligent and kind and beautif- Oi- there go your parents," stated Remus. He tried to grab his friend's sleeve and yelled "Wait a minute. I want to see what happens." But it was too late, James was making his way over. Remus chuckled to himself, "poor guy."

"Poor who?" Donna found herself at Remus's side.

"Look," he casually and quickly pointed over towards the commotion James was making with his parents.

"Oi."

"Oi is right."

* * *

"Lily, what a pleasure it is to see you again. And that dress. How beautiful. You look lovely."

"You most certainly do!" Alex Potter introduced himself to Miss Lily Evans with a kiss a on each cheek.

When Lily looked up, there it was- James's crooked smile. She smiled in return. "What a pleasure it is to finally meet you Mr. Potter. James has told me so much about you."

"Please- call me Alex. And the pleasure is all mine."

"Did you have a nice Christmas dear?" inquired Grace. Out of the corner of her eye she saw her son struggle as he made his way through the crowd and towards his parents and their newest arrival. Grace nudged her husband's arm, and he glanced over to see his son's trial.

"Oh yes, and thank you for having me. Your home looks so festive with the lights and the garland. Really wonderful in here."

"My wife deserves most of the credit. Although James did pitch in more than ever before," replied Mr. Potter.

"James did what?" asked the newest addition to the conversation. James finally made his way through the crowd and had a clear look of worry on his face by the time he arrived.

Grace started, "I was just telling Lily how you…"

"How you concocted this whole thing up just to get her over here on Christmas day!" Mr. Potter couldn't help himself. He had to interrupt his wife and embarrass his son. He didn't know how many more chances he would have to do this. Besides, Lily seemed like a good sport. "Sad really, but here we all are. Playing along."

"Haha funny. I see Sirius has been rubbing off on you," said James. Lily turned to see the crooked smile on James face. A face she had now grown so familiar with. A face she didn't realize how much she missed this past week.

"I figured as much," added Lily, "I saw him handing out sickles when I walked in the door."

"Sickles! I wish- we had to pay these people in galleons. Our vault at Gringotts is being emptied out as we speak."

"Alright. Enough." James grabbed Lily's hand and pulled her away from his parents.

"It really was a pleasure to see you again Mrs. Potter and to meet you Mr. Potter," she called over her shoulder as James dragged her away.

"Same to you my dear," added Mr. Potter.

With her son out of earshot, Grace turned to her husband and whispered. "That smile looks familiar."

"Yes, yes it does." And with that, Alex Potter wrapped his arm around his wife's waist. "Have I mentioned how beautiful you look tonight? And what a wonderful wife and mother you are?"

"Yes" Grace laid her head on her husband's shoulder, "but tell me again, will you?"

* * *

After they were about twenty feet away, James pulled Lily close and whispered in her ear, "Sorry about that."

"I see where you get it now," said Lily.

James looked down at her with that smile on his face and said, "Where I get what?"

"Your sense of humor. Your father is funny."

"You only think he's funny because I'm the butt of the joke."

"Maybe."

But before their conversation went any further Mary and Marlene showed up.

"There you are James. Happy Christmas!" Mary hugged James.

Marlene followed and offered her own Christmas greetings to Potter. "Don't worry Potter. I have thought about Quidditch once today- I think. Happy Christmas."

James tilted his head in the direction of Remus and Donna, "follow me."

* * *

As he led the way, James noticed his group of friend had gotten a bit larger.

"Carlotta," James hugged his guest, "happy Christmas."

"Happy Christmas to you too. I hope it's okay that I joined my parents tonight."

"Of course. Mum mentioned it the other day. Glad you could make it."

The others all exchanged greetings. For a moment, James definitely regretted inviting everyone else.

Then Sirius tugged at his sleeve. "Oi, imagine if you hadn't invited the others. It would be you, the mrs., and the mistress. And me of course, but I'd be off stage left watching the drama occur."

Okay, James took it back. He was glad the others were there. "Why don't we head over to the other side of the house? We have a sitting room over there that isn't too crowded. Sirius and Peter, grab some drinks."

* * *

The group trickled over. Everyone took turns asking one another about the holidays. It had only been a week since they left Hogwarts, but still Lily missed them. As they walked on, Lily realized that the last time she had been here it was with Sam. It had been after a long night- spent in jail no less, of protesting new laws that would restrict the access of muggleborn wizards and witches to a magical education. It had been a scary but invigorating night. The next day Frank and Alice got married. Lily had such joy in her heart. She couldn't help but feel sad for a amidst all the Christmas celebrations. She wished Sam were there as she gazed at the bag in her hand.

"I wish he were here too," James whispered in her ear on his way to catch up with Remus.

James. How did he know? But before Lily could get further in her thoughts, Donna was at her side.

"I met with Lathe the other day."

Lily turned to her friend, eyebrow raised. "Oh really?"

"No, nothing like that. He wanted to discuss everything- from last year until well, now." Lily could tell Donna was worried. Why was Lathe asking these questions? Didn't he already know what happened last year? Or is there something new going on that connects to that?

Lily asked her friend, "What did you say?"

"I told him everything Lily," Donna continued even though Lily wasn't sure she knew what _everything_ meant. "I don't know what came over myself, but I started with your right hook and ended with getting on the train to come home a few days ago."

"Oh" was all Lily could muster. That fight felt like ages ago. "Why did he want to know all this?"

"That's the thing-" but before Donna could continue Sirius squeezed between the two and through his arms over their shoulders.

"Ladies, you look ravishing this evening."

"Thank you Sirius."

"You're drunk."

"Okay, let me take that back. Lily you look ravishing this evening."

Donna rolled her eyes. She gave Lily a look that said find me later, and Lily nodded.

"I see you have brought my present," stated Sirius as he looked down at the delicately wrapped bag hanging from her wrist. He pointed to the biggest box with a green wrapping.

Lily found herself speechless. This didn't happen often so she wasn't used to the filled words. She just looked wide-eyed up at Sirius.

He whispered in her ear, "I know it's not for me love, no worries. I've seen yours love. Brilliant if I do say so myself, and he kissed on the cheek as he pulled away.

Lily's expression quickly changed to an amused one. "Oh really?"

"Really."

"Actually Sirius, I do have something for you," she reached into her bag behind the gift he pointed out and pulled out a small box. "Don't open it now though."

"Lily! You shouldn't have." He tucked in his pocket. "I will wait until I'm all alone tonight and open it then."

"Sirius! It is _not_ that type of gift."

"Sure it isn't," he winked as he held onto her hand as they made their way into the sitting room with everyone else.

* * *

There were seats aplenty, though some were occupied by the Potter's other guests. On the far wall a fire roared away in the fire place. Lily looked at it amused. She preferred muggle fires in fireplaces. The smell and the look of the smoke felt more natural, less polished. Because of her adeptness at potions, she had mastered the magical fire wizards and witches conjured up. Still, it wasn't the same.

"Something wrong?" asked James returning to her side.

"What makes you say that?"

"The look on your face."

"I was just looking at the fire. Thinking about the ones at home. Muggle fires are different you know. When you're using wood, the smell of smoke fills the whole room. It's seeps into your clothes and hair, but that's an okay thing. The smell of a muggle fire in a fireplace is a comforting one. And the fire dances a bit differently."

"Yeah," was all James could muster. He had lit a few muggle fires in his day, but he wasn't going to interrupt Lily. The way she was dressed and held herself tonight- breathtaking. James wanted to be near her at all times, but also watch her from afar.

Marlene watched her friend with an appropriate amount of envy. It was the type of envy one has when someone in love chances upon another couple in love. You are truly happy for them, but you also miss the half of your own equation.

"Staring at them won't make Adam show up." Remus sat down on the couch beside her and handed her a drink.

"I know, but don't they look nice together Remus."

"Yes, yes they do."

"Over the years, we've always teased her about it, but she seemed so adamantly opposed to it that I never actually took the time to look and see them together. Now, it just makes sense. I can't imagine it any other way."

"Welcome to the dark side, my friend," and Remus raised his glass for a toast. Marlene turned and clinked her glass. Her attention turned from the love birds, Marlene felt a bit despondent again. Remus was right- staring at James and Lily wouldn't make Adam show up.

But then Remus interrupted her thoughts. "You know, McKinnon was a very patient man." Marlene nodded, and Remus went on. "He waited for you for years. I think only he waited for a girl longer," Remus nodded towards James. "He waited for you through years of being labeled a friend, that git of a boyfriend, and through your dreadful attack last year. I think he's still waiting."

"I don't know Remus. After everything with Sara, he's different."

Remus nodded, but then he continued, "I think, maybe, that now it might be your turn to wait."

Marlene nodded, "I've been thinking the same thing, but it's hard."

"Don't worry. It will all work out."

"Remus, honestly, you can't know that."

"Ah, but I do. Look at Lily and James. Can you tell me now, that when you really think about it, you didn't know they were going to end up together?"

"I mean- of course it makes sense now."

"Well I can tell you now, that when I really think about it, I know you and Adam will end up together."

Marlene sighed and took a sip from her drink.

Sirius flopped down on the couch next to them and said, "Patience my dear. Lord knows McKinnon had enough of it."

"How did you…?"

"Sixth sense," stated Sirius as he pointed to his head. "I may have also saw that sad puppy dog look in your eyes. Now up- let's dance." Sirius stood up and they started moving tables and chairs. Peter dropped a handful of crackers on the floor in front of them. Sirius picked one up and offered an end to Marlene. They began spinning around and twirling one another with the cracker in hand. Pretty soon the others followed suit.

A quick note about wizard crackers. They are both like and unlike muggle crackers. On the outside they have the same shape: a tube-like form covered in brightly colored and designed paper that is twisted at the ends. That is about where the similarities end. On the inside are firecrackers, a gaggle of chocolate frogs, whizzbangs, and whirleygags. You never know what awaits you inside- you simply have to pull. And that's what happened. Sirius pulled and a large pop filled the room. Marlene and he fell to the side laughing as brightly colored sparks filled the air. Again the others followed suit. Sirius picked up another and offered it to Lily and again a 'pop!' Bright blue and purple strings filled the air and covered Lily and Sirius. And then, as quickly as the strings appeared, they were gone.

* * *

Carlotta watched from the sidelines. She never realized how much she missed Shelley until this moment. With Shelley, Carlotta and the others made sense. Without Shelley, Carlotta was simply the extra wheel that no one really notices. Sure, they might notice her when they pick up a cracker and everyone else is spinning with another or on the floor laughing. Then one might be extended to her, but that was it. She would be their second option.

She hadn't intended on being left out. However, when they walked into the room she noticed Cornelius Fudge. According to her mother, he was on the rise politically and socially. Her mother had heard that he would be attending the Potter's Christmas party for exactly twenty minutes and not a second longer- he had other parties with other wizards and witches to attend to. She knew her parents would be looking for him so she summoned up her best impression of her mother that she could (minus the accent, emphasis on the confident posture and batting eyelashes) and introduced herself. Before she knew it, her friends were up and about dancing, laughing, and having a fine time without her.

"Oh my, doesn't that look like fun. Why don't you join them?" Mr. Fudge inquired.

"I will," Carlotta noticed her mother heading her way, "but I see my mother now, and I am sure she would like to say hello."

"Ello Signore," Mrs. Meloni came over and greeted the gentleman with a kiss on both cheeks. Carlotta was impressed. Even at her mother's age, men still seemed to swoon in her presence. When the timing was right, Carlotta politely exited herself from the conversation and attempted to join her friends. When she turned, however, the only person she could think of was Shelley. As the hullaballoo of her fellow seventh years settled down, she joined them on the sitting on the couch or floor or wherever they had last collapsed. It took her a moment to realize who was missing: James and Lily. Yes, she would always be the second option when it came to them.

* * *

While their friends spun around in circles, James appeared over Lily's shoulder and whispered in her ear. "Come on- let's get out of here." She turned and found his hand. She took it and followed him out of the room. James weaved her in and out of party guests, and even stopped a few times to introduce her to Mister or Mrs. So-and-so. Up the stairs they went, and then down one hall and another; and then there she was. In James Potter's bedroom alone with the wizard himself. Before she could say anything he reached behind a desk and pulled out a box wrapped in a deep red paper with a bright, white bow on top.

"Open," and he offered the box to Lily. She sat on his bed and tried with all her might not to rip open the package. She wanted to savor the moment. She also liked watching him watch her out of the corner of her eye.

She opened the box, and held up its contents. It was quill, but not just any old quill- attached to it was a long feather which had the shade of brilliant gray. Below it, a note- she picked it up and read it aloud, "To Lily, Happy Christmas. Oh James I love it! It is the most beautiful quill I have ever seen."

"It's a Hippogriff feather," explained James as he sat on the bed next to her. "Hagrid actually helped me with this one. He is trying to raise them at Hogwarts. He has an older one he bought from someone, somewhere. She has these brilliant green eyes like you. She's older- Hagrid says she hasn't got that much longer, but Lily- she is still as regal looking as the day she was born. You can just tell. She doesn't fly as much anymore, but Hagrid keeps her feathers up for her. When I went to talk to him, she had just shed this one. I immediately thought of you."

"Oh James- it's gorgeous. It truly is." She slowly handed a box to him. "Now my gift just seems silly in comparison."

Unlike Lily, James tore into the package.

"Oh nice- vintage!" James held out the hat between his two palms, spun it, and placed it on his head. "How do I look?"

"It was my father's," Lily started as she bit her lip, unsure of how much she wanted to tell him. "He would only wear it for services or special occasions, but it's just sat home since. When I saw you in the hat last summer, I thought of him."

James ran his hand across the brim before taking it off his head. "Lily, you shouldn't give this to me. I can't-"

"No," she interrupted him. "I want you to have it. Then you'll always have part of my crazy muggle world with you. Also, look!" She took the hate from him, flipped it up, and revealed a secret pocket sewn into its interior. "See- it really was made for you. Or maybe the muggle version of you. In here, my father would keep pictures of Tuney and I, a broken bracelet of his mother's, and a locket of my mother's hair. Oh, and of course a few loose cigarettes."

James took the hat back. "Those nifty muggles." He ran his hand into the pocket and pulled out a piece of thick paper. There it was- a picture of them all from Alice and Frank's wedding. There they were- so happy. They had believed they had just accomplished something so real. It was so real, in fact, that it could only be celebrated by the most wonderful and joyous of all occasions: a wedding. In the photograph Frank and Alice kissed and looked into each other's eyes. Sirius and James had their arms around each other and toasted their glasses with Remus and Peter. The others smiled and waved. It really was magnificent. And, amidst all the celebration, there he was. His cousin Sam with his arm wrapped around Lily. She looked out to the camera and rested her head on his chest.

"Lily- this is perfect. You just blew mine out of the water."

"Alice sent it to me the other day. I made a copy for everyone, but yours is the smallest so it can fit into your new hat."

"Now you're never getting this back." He took in the picture for another minute before sliding it under the flap and securing it. He spun it around between his hands and placed it on his head.

Lily looked up at him, "It's growing on me."

"Things have a habit of doing that, Snaps." They looked at each other for a moment, and a single tear fell from Lily's cheek. James took her face in his hands. He gently bent down and kissed away the tear. He rested his forehead against hers.

"I miss him. I only knew him for a moment, and I miss him. I don't know how you do it."

"I surround myself with good friends," replied James. His hand had moved from the side of her face to her neck. One delicately held a strand of her hair between his fingers. He breathed in her apple shampoo.

They stayed like that for just a moment- enjoying one another's company, before everything changed.

Peter burst into the room out of breath, clearly unfazed by the intimate moment he was just interrupted. He rested his hand on his knee and the other on the door while he breathed heavily. "James come quick!" he managed to get out.

"Peter- what is it?" James could not hide the annoyance in his voice.

"It's you father!" and with that, James's ran.

* * *

Author's note: Thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed the first two chapters. As a result, Chapter three is a bit longer. As a friend pointed out, I have to add a bit more description- I am taking for granted that everyone can already see the scenario in my head! Sorry about that- I've tried to address it here.


	4. Chapter 4: One More Cup of Coffee

_On the day after, Remus always missed Hogwarts the most. The floor of his cell at St. Mungos was cold and covered here and there in bits of his clothing, tufts of hair, and spit and blood. His body was sore from everything it had been through. He could never move. He was always in excruciating pain. They would have to send someone in._

 _Sometimes the St. Mungos employee would come into the cell and be gentle and caring. He or she would give Remus some medication and a bit of food and cover his body with a blanket. However, and more often than he liked, the employee would simply throw in the medication and some bread between the bars of the cell._

 _How Remus missed Hogwarts! If Healer Holloway had been there, Remus would have kissed him on the lips. The morning after was always the worst._

 _"Well look who's finally awake?" said a voice. It wasn't the harsh voice of a wizard guard or even an unfamiliar nurse's. Remus knew that voice. It was comforting. A warmth spread through his aching body._

 _"Lily, what are you doing here?"_

 _"I figured you would need a friend."_

 _"How did you know I came here?" He leaned up on one elbow to look out at his friend._

 _"Peter let it slip."_

 _"Aren't you worried? Someone will see you? They'll associate you with me-"_

 _"Oh Remus shush. You're being a git. I stopped worrying what other people thought of me a long time ago."_

 _"I guess that's what happens when you marry James Potter."_

 _"I guess so. I have the vial, and some food. Not hospital food, but some hot tea and biscuits from around the corner."_

 _"Lily you truly are an angel," and with that Remus collapsed back onto the floor and passed out. He assumed she went to get the key from somewhere because let herself in. When he next awoke, his head was resting on her lap and she was stroking his hair. She also had brought in a blanket to cover his body, as well as a trash can to deal with any other nasty bits. James must have given her a heads up._

 _"Good, you're awake. Now eat," said Lily as she put a small piece of biscuit in front of his lips. It had some butter and sweet raspberry jam spread over it. Remus never had tasted anything as delicious in his life. He hoped he could keep the bite down. He slowly lifted himself up into a seated position. He took a sip of tea._

 _"Lily, I-" started Remus, but he stopped himself. He started to sniff the air around them._

 _"Lily, I what? You cannot leave a lady hanging here Remus,"_

 _"Lily, are you pregnant?"_

 _"What? No, I can't be. I-"_

 _"Lily you're pregnant!" Remus interrupted here._

 _"I am?" Lily asked. Remus realized she had no clue. He started laughing and so did she._

 _"Yes, yes you are," and the two hugged._

 _"Sirius is going to kill me."_

 _"Why?" asked Remus._

 _"He always assumes you're my favorite. He said I'd tell you first."_

 _Remus laughed, "Well blame it on the full moon then."_

 _The two old friends embraced there on the floor of the cold, dirty cell. Remus thought to himself that the place had never felt warmer. He pulled back._

 _"Well, how does it feel?"_

 _"What? To be pregnant? I don't really know. I only found out about a minute ago. I am sure James will want to throw a parade. It will be good. He deserves some happiness right now."_

 _"So do you, Lily."_

 _"So do all of us, Remus. This is as much your problem now as it is mine. I assure you the marauders will all be assigned to diaper duty."_

 _"Oh Lily- I think I'm going to be sick."_

 _"It isn't for months now, really Remus…" but Lily didn't finished. Remus grabbed the empty trash can and out came the remnants of his small breakfast. "Oh, you mean…"_

 _"Yes, I apologize for that. I can't really help it. I'd rather hoped you didn't have to witness that part of it."_

 _"Remus give me the trash can," demanded Lily. Her friend did has she was told. Out came the remnants of her own breakfast._

 _"Lily Potter- you definitely are pregnant."_

* * *

James sat in silence next to Sirius in the waiting room down the hall from his father's hospital room. It was a slow day at St. Mungos. The rumors about Christmas being one of the busiest days at a hospital- not true, at least as far as James could tell. He would never wish Christmas day at St. Mungos upon anyone.

It really had been the perfect night. Lily had never looked so beautiful. Okay, that was a bit of a lie. Lily always looked beautiful. She just looked exceptionally so that night. In his room. On his bed. With her face cradled ever so gently in his hands... The click and clack of a nurse's heals in the hallway brought him back to reality.

He looked over at Sirius. Thank merlin for Sirius.

As he relayed to James earlier that evening, Sirius had seen Mr. Potter falter a bit out of the corner of his eye. He immediately ran to his side before the older wizard would fall. Remus appeared on the other side of Mr. Potter, and they delicately and quickly carried Mr. Potter's limp body away from the guests before anyone noticed. Fortunately they were off to the side of the room and near the kitchen. They slipped inside and lowered him into a chair.

In the kitchen Remus made some comment to the catering company about someone spiking the punch, even though there was no punch, while Sirius attended to James's father.

"Thank you boys, my legs- they're just tired. Please, go get Grace." Mr. Potter looked more embarrassed than sick, Sirius thought to himself. He told Remus to go get James's mum and to tell Peter to go get James.

Sirius took a seat next to Alex Potter as Remus left the room.

"It's bad, isn't it?" he asked.

Mr. Potter didn't answer.

"I heard you talking to your wife the other day- I didn't mean to pry. I was on my way to the kitchen… I am sorry."

Mr. Potter still said nothing. He fiddled with his thighs with her hands as if they were not his.

Sirius watched him for a moment before adding, "Your legs don't look well."

Alex Potter exhaled a deep breath. "You're right Sirius my boy, they don't look well at all."

Then James came barreling down the back set of stairs and into the kitchen. "What happened?" he yelled from across the kitchen.

Mr. Potter looked up. "James- I am all right. Everything is fine. Now go back to the party."

James looked at his friend. Sirius shook his head. James didn't move. He looked his father sternly in the eye, took a deep breath, and asked in the calmest voice he could. "What happened?"

"Nothing James. Please go back to the party. Your mother will be worried- someone has to see to the guests."

"I was asking Sirius," and with that, James turned his head to his friend.

Sirius ran his hand through his long black hair and looked up at the ceiling and then at James. "I don't know- I could just see his legs going out. At first one twitched-"

Mr. Potter interrupted. "Sirius that's enough."

But Sirius didn't stop. He looked over and saw Lily and Peter enter the room. He made eye contact with Lily, he didn't know why, but it somehow helped. His voice grew stronger. "It was the left one, it twitched- like a nerve or something. I just saw it, and I felt something was wrong so I ran over. Before I knew it, all his weight was on my left shoulder. That's when Remus came over and took the other half. Then we came in here."

"That's enough," bellowed Mr. Potter. "Everyone please leave. James stay."

Sirius and the others made their way up the back stairs, away from both the scene of the action and the party.

"I said everyone." The bewildered kitchen staff had yet to realize they weren't dealing with a drunk. They weren't exactly sure where to go or what to do next.

"Yes- please. Attend to the guests, will you? Thank you, thank you," added Mrs. Potter who just appeared. She walked in the door followed by a bewildered looking Remus. Remus took a hint from the now emptying room, and he made his way back into the party.

When the room emptied, Grace rushed to her husband's side. She took his face in her hands and then moved them around his extremities- first his hands. She moved them and flipped them around. James noticed his father didn't put up any resistance. Then his legs- she stretched them out one by one as if stretching him out before a Quidditch match.

"Are you alright Alex?" The serious tone in his mother's voice didn't make James feel any easier.

"Yes, I'm fine. I'll be fine."

With that, Grace stood up. "Okay then, stand up."

Mr. Potter looked bewildered. He moved his shaking hands to the sides of his chair and attempted to push himself up, but no luck. His legs wouldn't hold him. He slumped back into the chair.

"Give me a minute Grace, please."

Grace Potter turned to James. "James, your father is very sick- a fact not many people know. In fact, aside from a few medical wizards and Dumbledore, only you and your friends now know. We didn't know how bad it was- or rather," with this, Grace Potter turned to her husband and gave him a stern look, "I didn't know how bad it was, until very recently." James didn't know what worried him more: the fact that his father could not stand up or the calm tone in his mother's voice. Grace Potter continued, "What I need from you now is to go out into that party and play host. I need you to see to every guest and make sure they all are having a good time. And then, in your most polite manner, I need you to make them leave. Do not make it obvious-"

"Grace, really, there is no need," Mr. Potter tried to interrupt, but Mrs. Potter would not let that happen.

"If people don't get the hint, help them get the hint, but it cannot come back to your father right now. Do you understand?"

James nodded his head. No- he didn't really understand what the bloody hell was going on, but what was he going to say? He could end a party- that was easy. If he couldn't, Sirius would. That's what friends are for.

"When everyone has left, and I mean _everyone_ , I want you and Sirius to meet your father and me at St. Mungos. Find a nurse by the name of Audrey Horne. She will know where to point you."

With that, Mrs. Potter withdrew her wand and summoned her husband's and her cloaks. She held on to his hand and the two apparated.

That's when James's own legs went out, and he slumped into the chair his father had just occupied. He put his face in his hands. He wanted to cry, but he wouldn't. He ran his hands through his hair and got up to find Sirius.

* * *

Once he explained the plan to best mate, or lack of one, Sirius took flight. James could only describe it later as "brilliant, the very definition of the word."

Unlike James Potter, Sirius had already disgraced his family name. A few more drunken comments here and there would result in a few dirty looks and couple turns of "I have never in my life!", but nothing that would phase Sirius Black.

James had asked Lily, Remus, and Peter to make a show of leaving, but they didn't have to. Sirius's inquiry into the inner workings of one Mrs. Mathilde Parkton's enormous hat were enough to send the woman off in a huff. That was followed by Sirius's inquiry into another wizard's presence at the Leaky Cauldron late one night over the summer. Apparently this gentlewizard's wife had no clue. The slap across the face silenced the room. Sirius spilling his drink on the back of another witch's dress truly sealed the deal. In fact, a third of the party was leaving within twenty minutes of the incident. James made a show of sincerely apologizing to everyone and scolding his "very, very drunk friend."

Then it was Lily, Marlene, Mary, Remus, and Peter's turn to leave- not that it mattered much at this point. As Lily said her goodbye to James, she squeezed James's hand. When he had come upstairs earlier, he went straight to Sirius. Lily had already gathered her items to go. James turned to her and was about to say something, an "I'm sorry" or some other excuse in an attempt to make her feel better, but there was no need. With one look she let him know it was not about her feelings right now. She hugged him and rested her head on his chest. He held her for a moment before they both pulled back. No words were needed. She went downstairs to find her friends.

As others made their way to the main parlor to find out what the commotion was all about, they noticed the departing guests and followed suit. Many turns of "please pass our gratitude to your parents" and "you really should think harder about the company you keep" later, and the house was empty. James and Sirius apparated to Mungos.

* * *

James went from achieving his mother's mammoth task to feeling utterly and completely helpless. He sat there fussing with the frayed edge of his robe.

"James- did you know?" asked Sirius.

"Yes- did you?" answered James.

"Yes."

"How?"

Sirius exhaled. "I heard them talking the other day on my way to the kitchen."

"Ah that explains why you became so silent."

"I wanted to tell you, but every time I went to, it just didn't feel right."

"Yeah. I get that."

"Forgive me mate?"

"After what you pulled tonight-" started James.

"It was nothing," interrupted Sirius.

"You were a master. It was brilliant- they very definition of the word. The look on Mrs. Parkton's face was priceless. 'How dare you put your hands on my hat! Preposterous!'" said James, mimicking her voice.

Sirius laughed. "That hat really was a work of art."

"Oh merlin… Mr. Turning's wife…"

"The man was drunk after his stag night. Rather than go home like that, his buddies dropped him off at a room. They'll be fine. No real damage done."

James nodded.

"And the drink I spilled? Water. Ice-cold water, but water none-the-less."

"Thanks mate. I really owe you one."

"No, you don't. You really don't." Sirius didn't want them to return to silence, but he didn't know what else to say. He felt guilty for knowing and not telling James. He thought back to his Uncle Alphard- if only someone had told him. He could have prepared himself. He could have handled it better. He would have… he didn't really know. He just felt guilty.

Fortunately the silence did not last long. The click clack of Nurse Horne's heels made their way down the hallway and to James and Sirius.

"Boys, your parents would like to see you now."

James got up, but Sirius remained seated.

"C'mon Padfoot. Mother and father are waiting."

Sirius sighed and got up. He really had done a better job at selecting his second family than his first. By far.

When the boys walked in Mrs. Potter was talking to a doctor at the side of the room. She turned as they walked in, but continued her conversation. Mr. Potter was sitting up in bed chatting with a nurse. She had a clipboard in front of her and appeared to be checking off various items.

James did not know what it was about hospital beds, but their inhabitants always looked smaller than they really were. Maybe it was the metal rails on along the ends. The shiny coldness of the material drew your eyes down to the inhabitant's feet. His father look shorter than he was. And sicker- hospital beds made their patients look sicker. Maybe it was the blankets. The white sheets simply had that one thicker blue blanket on top- not a proper bed spread. That color blue made his father look sicker. His father needed a proper bed spread.

Mr. Potter spoke first. "Come in boys. Sit, Sit." He gestured to a pair of uncomfortable looking chairs by the window. Before either boy said anything, Mr. Potter spoke up, "Sirius, I owe you a thank you; And James, I owe you an apology."

Neither boy said anything. Neither was sure what to say. Sirius looked up and nodded, but James just stared at the floor.

"Sirius, I hesitate to think what would have happened if you had not come to my aid. Thank you."

Sirius nodded.

"Rumor has it, you put on a spectacular show after Grace and I left."

Sirius stopped nodding and a look of shock came across his face. He turned to James who look away, pretending not hear his father's comment.

"I.. uh… umm… well…"

Mr. Potter laughed. "No need for the worry, my son. I want to say thank you for it. I am sorry I missed it. I know who to call now next time Grace organizes one of those boring dinner parties." He extended his hand out to Sirius who stood up to shake it. "Really. Thank you."

"Sirius," Grace interrupted, "won't you help me find some tea?"

Sirius looked over at James. Again, his friend was avoiding eye contact, but this time for other reasons. He joined Mrs. Potter and the two left the room with the doctor. The nurse followed shortly thereafter.

"James," Mr. Potter began, "I am sorry."

James said nothing.

Alex Potter continued, "I am sorry for the position I put you and your friends in tonight. I am sorry how I behaved after Sirius came to my aid. I am sorry for not being more forthright and honest with you about my illness."

James finally turned to his father. Tears welled up in his eyes. He didn't want to ask it, but he had to know: "Are you dying?"

Mr. Potter took a deep breath. "James, pull that chair a bit closer." James did as he was told. The sound of the chair dragging across the floor pierced the stillness between them. Mr. Potter continued, "James, when my father grew sick, everyone started treating him differently. The family coddled him; and when we weren't around, we asked the house elves to take care of every minute detail of his life. The man barely fed himself. He grew miserable. He couldn't directly blame us- it was his sickness that made him this way, but he did. He blamed us for taking away his quality of life."

"What does any of this have to do with me?"

"Nothing. It has to do with me. I has to do with my own fears of death and the process of dying. Which is what I am doing- I am dying. Slowly and painfully, but dying nonetheless."

James reached up and took his father's cold hand in his own.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Completely selfish reasons, but can you blame me? I am the one dying." James flinched the second time he said that. Alex placed his other hand on top of James. "I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want to be treated any differently. I didn't want to be my father. I wanted to see you go through your last years at Hogwarts without so much worry or undertaking. I wanted to see you play quidditch and hear about pranks you pulled with Sirius under that cloak of mine and get head boy- what a surprise that was I might add, and fall in love. I was being selfish. I am sorry James."

"Years? What do you mean? How long have you known?"

"I've known something was up for about two years, but only in the last half did I know something was truly wrong. I kept my secret pretty well until your mother insisted on attending a check-up with me."

Absorption. That was all James could make himself do right now- take it all in. He couldn't quite process it- it didn't make sense.

"How much longer do you have?"

"The doctors think I have a year or two. I'm betting on the latter."

"Me too." Replied James.

"Now, do me a favor. Tell me more about that gorgeous redhead in the stunning black dress that came tonight. You couldn't take your eyes off of her. Not that I blame you, I think everyone was envious when they saw her talking to you."

"You noticed, did you?"

"Well I definitely noticed her. Your mother was the one who pointed out the drool dribbling down your chin," Mr. Potter brought his hand to his face and pointed to a spot next to his lip, presumably where the drool had been falling.

James laughed. "If I had been drooling, I hope someone would have told me."

"Well tell me more about Miss Evans. How did you meet?"

"On the train our first year on the way to Hogwarts. I told her I wanted to by a Gryffindor like my father."

"No kidding? I wish my mates could have seen that… and they said I was a horrible wingman."

James laughed. For a minute he forgot where they were and why they were there, but one look up at his father reminded him.

* * *

Grace Potter stayed behind with her husband at the hospital. Around 2:00 am she ordered the boys to go home and rest. Once they had eaten and washed up, they could come back to St. Mungos, but she didn't want to see them until regular visiting hours. Those did not start until 10:00am. It was the day after Christmas after all. Therefore the young wizards had seven hours to kill.

As they walked down the hall and prepared to apparate, Sirius asked his friend if they could find a bloody drink. "Absolutely," said James, and the two apparated to the Potter's front lawn.

James and Sirius arrived to a surprise sitting on the Potter's front steps. Two surprises actually. It was Remus and Peter.

"James!" Peter ran over to hug his friend. James laughed- Wormtail always was the more sensitive one.

Remus handed Sirius a paper bag. "Brilliant. Just what I needed," noted Sirius as he took a swig.

"Pass that over here," and James took one as well. "It's bloody cold out here. How long have you morons been waiting?"

"We may or may not have gone to the hospital looking for you," started Remus.

Peter continued, "We found your mother filling out some paperwork. She told us to leave, but that she'd send you home around 2:00. She expected us to be waiting for you here with something to cheer you up."

"Prongs, I do love that mother of yours," added Sirius as he took another swig.

"Mother of ours. That was adoption paperwork she was filling out. It's over with. You're done for. You're a Potter now."

"Does that mean I get a share of the inheritance?" asked Sirius. "What about this house? Do we split it 50/50?"

"No and no." James grabbed the bottle away from his friend. "I need another drink."

They sat on the steps for most of the night. No one seemed ready to go inside just yet. Going inside meant a return to the scene of the crime. They would have to face the music, and nobody was ready for that just yet.

"Oi, I forgot- Lily owled this to me. It's for you." Remus tossed a package into James's hand.

"I hope it's something saucy," said Sirius.

"From Lily?" inquired Peter, mistaking Sirius's sarcasm for sincerity.

"I guess I'm not opening it in front of you gits then."

"C'mon! Please?" Peter's eagerness surprised everyone.

Remus laughed. "Peter, do you really think that Lily would have used me as the delivery man then? Sirius is much better at delivering those types of gifts."

"Oh." Peter sounded clearly disappointed.

James opened the note first. James read it to himself, 'Save two for later. -Lily.' Benson and Hodges. These must be Lily's favorite he thought.

"Oi, pass one of those over here!" yelled Sirius. James threw him the package.

"I could go for one of those," added Remus.

"Oh really? Has the prefect come to the dark side?"

"On a night like this? Sure, why not," answered Remus.

"Me too," added Peter.

The package made its way back to James. He stuffed it in his pocket.

"None for you Prongs?" inquired Sirius.

"Not tonight. Another time though," but James didn't mean it. In fact, he was surprised Lily had sent him cigarettes, but the note implied she'd explain later.

The four sat in silence passing the bottle of firewhiskey around between one another and smoking their cigarettes if they had them.

* * *

That's how the rest of the break went for James. Coming home, cleaning up, getting a bite to eat, and then returning to St. Mungos to visit his father. Sirius accompanied him every other time to the hospital, and when he did go, would find an excuse to leave before James did. Because the Potters were his family, he knew what they needed; and what they needed was some time together.

James brought the Wizards Chess to St. Mungos and played a daily game with his father. James also brought a few books to read when his father was busy or asleep. One day his new hat made its way to the hospital. He wanted to show his father. As a result, James spent one afternoon explaining it all in great detail to his father: the whole protest, night in jail, and wedding. Looking back later, James would remember this time in St. Mungos fondly- as strange as that was to think. The spill and the hospital forced both he and his father to slow down. It gave them time to talk and catch up. James was grateful for that.

Before James and Sirius returned to school, Mr. Potter came home. After the first night at St. Mungos, Mr. Potter regained controlled of his legs, but they kept him around for some more tests and observation. After Christmas, Mr. Potter's legs remained clumsy and unwilling to easily bend to his commands. He agreed to use a cane around the house, but secretly told himself he would get his legs working again. His homecoming, like his visit to the hospital, was a quiet one. And with his return home, James and Sirius made their way back to Hogwarts.

* * *

Snape was not surprised when Regulas Black sought him out after holiday break. As their time at Hogwarts had progressed, Snape took on more responsibilities between the others and Lucius Malfoy. Regardless, Snape remained unimpressed with Malfoy. He had decided it was because of his name and family connections (aside from his beliefs) that the dark lord had recruited him. Snape remembered him at Hogwarts. He was a skilled enough wizard, and he was very popular; but that really was it.

"Severus," said Regulas. Severus noticed the boy's voice shook as much as his hands.

"Regulas," answered Snape as he crossed his arms and looked down at the younger wizard.

"Severus… I… I…"

"Well, spit it out. I have not got all day."

Regulas looked from side to side. Severus swore he saw a bead of sweat on the young wizard's temple. "I- I am going to meet the Dark Lord," Regulas finally got out.

Snape's facial expression said more than he ever could. "What?"

"Sometime this semester. I don't know when, but Lucius will tell you more. You're supposed to get me to Hogsmeade. You can do that right? You're a prefect. I told Bellatrix you were a prefect- that you could make it happen. You can do it, right?" Obviously Severus could. Regulas seemed to be rambling more than anything, just asking himself more than the older student.

"Of course I can do that. What does he want with you?"

"I don't know. Bellatrix said he needed me to go with him somewhere. She didn't know where, although she pretended she did. I could tell when I pressed her that she didn't know more. I think she would tell me more if she knew- you know, the brag or something."

"So, let me get this straight. At some point during this semester, I don't know when," Snape looked to the younger student for confirmation.

"Right."

"I am to find you and escort you to Hogsmeade to meet Lucius."

"I think Lucius and Cissy, but yes- right."

"And you expect me to believe it's because the Dark Lord wants _you_ \- a younger wizard who has yet to pass his OWLs, to attend him on a mission."

Regulas looked doubtful himself. "I guess."

Severus exhaled. "I will take you to Lucius whenever the time comes; but if I were you, I would not get my hopes up."

"You are right," replied Regulas. Severus was surprised by how easily he had convinced the young wizard of his own opinions. Perhaps Regulas had caught on as much already and simply was doing what his crazed cousin Bellatrix LeStrange had commanded he do.

"I assume there is nothing else you want to tell me?" Severus fully believed that Regulas's answer would be a firm 'no.' This statement was always an easy way to get rid of younger students. Of course Severus's assumptions were correct; and rather than bother him more, they would just leave. But Regulas did not say no, and he did not leave.

"Severus- why me?" asked Regulas- though he wasn't looking at Severus when he asked. Rather, he stared at the wall in front of him. For the first time his voice did not shake. It was the most genuine question Severus had hear in a while. Looking tired, Regulas sat down on the bench near them and rested his elbows on his hands.

Severus had no intention of feeling sorry for this Black, and he was clearly not going to join the latter on the bench.

"Regulas," Severus, arms still folded, directed his gaze towards the young wizard on the bench. "Who are you to question _his_ intentions?" Severus knew he was lying through his teeth. He questioned it all the time. However Severus also knew the younger Black had no clue of Severus's own struggle and personal truth. Severus had even disobeyed direct orders from powerful Death Eaters in an effort to combat this personal struggle. He continued to lie about it, and held firmly to his lie. Even if Marlene Price had told him she knew the real truth. She had even told him someone else knew, but Severus knew who it was now. Although it mattered, he told himself it did not. Severus believed his lies and his truths were safe.

Severus continued, "You should be ashamed of yourself- acting like this. _He_ has noticed you- though now, looking at you like this, I do not know why. This is where I leave you Black. Pull yourself together." Severus turned on his heels and left. When he turned to go down another hallway he glanced back, and there was Regulas still. Right where he left him.

Severus continued walking. Something about the way Regulas had approached him- nervous, unsure, and shaking, worried Severus. There was something he wasn't telling him- something was troubling this young wizard. Severus recognized it because he had felt it too.

The complex simplicity of the plan nagged at Sirius. And that Cissy was involved? Bellatrix must have requested it. And the fact that Bellatrix was involved- someone they said who was closer to _him_ than anyone else. Okay, he had to admit it- that part of it worried and even scared Severus. It also caused the thoughts in his head to twist and turn in ways that can only be described as one thing: jealousy. Severus was jealous of a younger student. This was absurd, but it was also true. Only Sirius had shown himself truly worthy (as far as anyone knew), and yet, here he was, a simple errand boy for Death Eaters as untalented as Lucius Malfoy. Malfoy had him fetching a Black- Sirius Black's younger brother, no-less. The thought made his stomach turn in anger. Severus attempted to push these items from his mind; but the troubled look on Regulas's face, staring off at the wall, would not budge from his thoughts.

* * *

Marlene wasn't ashamed to admit it: she had befriended a nine-year old. During the month of January alone, Marlene and Valentina spent time together on three different occasions. During the third time they met up, Marlene even showed Valentina her record collection. Valentina immediately recognized the muggle objects. She had asked if Marlene had any Tchaikovsky or Prokofiev or Adolphe Adam. Marlene shook her head. She only recognized one of those names, and she had left the record of the Nutcracker she got as a child at home.

This first time the two spent time together after break, Marlene had seen the little girl skipping through the hall on her way to dinner. She shouted "Valentina!" and the girl turned around. A huge smile spread across her face and she came running to Marlene. She barreled into the older student and wrapped her arms around Marlene's hips.

"You remember me!" exclaimed the little girl.

"How could I forget my biggest fan?" laughed Marlene.

The older student walked her to the Great Hall where everyone else had gathered for dinner. When Marlene didn't see the witch's father there, she wasn't sure what to do.

"It's fine. He has a meeting or something. I just usually get my food and go back. Sometimes I just go to the kitchens and talk to the elves while I eat."

"Oh. Well you shouldn't eat alone. Why don't you sit with us?"

The little girl's eyes grew at the prospect. "Really?"

"Really."

Her friends didn't mind. Valentina was a way for them to get their minds off of things: NEWTs, Quidditch, plans after Hogwarts, boys, and, you know, death eaters. Valentina told Donna that she had Marlene sign her program. Donna, still skeptical of Marlene's story, asked Valentina if she could sign it too. Valentina smiled and told Donna that there were Quidditch teams of just girls- did Donna know that? The older witch smiled and played along. It made Valentina's day.

Mary showed Valentina the latest issue of Teen Witch magazine and asked the little girl what she thought about the latest scarf trend. "Too much fringe?" The little girl nodded her response. "And what do you think of the color? Too gaudy?" Valentina shrugged her shoulders. "Too gaudy," Mary continued, "though you would probably look marvelous in anything."

Lily, the sweetest of them all, asked her what she thought about Hogwarts.

"Oh it's so magical! Living in a castle. Sometimes I pretend I have been locked away because of my powers, and all the students have been sent here to guard me. So I sneak around and find all the fun places to go." Marlene laughed. Valentina continued, "Other times I pretend my mother is in the castle somewhere and I have to find her. I look in all the rooms and closets and stairwells and offices for her. That's how I found the kitchens!"

"You found the kitchens during your first year? I don't think Donna found them until her sixth," Lily winked.

"Really?" Valentina turned her attention to Donna.

"Not true. I found them my fourth year after I made the Quidditch team. Some good comes out of being friends with James Potter and Sirius Black."

At the name of the latter, the little girl giggled.

"Oh my, do you know who Sirius Black is?" ask Lily with a knowing smile across her face.

"Yes I do. All the girls in the castle know who Sirius Black is. They also know who your boyfriend is too!" And with that she pointed right at Lily. All the girls burst out laughing.

"And which one is that?" asked Marlene.

"The one who plays Quidditch with the glasses and the crazy hair."

"He's not my boyfriend," corrected Lily, but she wasn't convincing anyone with that tone in her voice.

Valentina giggled, "Then why are you always with him? I thought when people were in love they never ever want to be apart."

Lily laughed, "You do sneak around the castle a lot, don't you? I am Head Girl, and he is Head Boy. We have to spend time together."

"Suuuuuuuuuuuuuure," the little girl replied. The group of friends burst out laughing.

"Leave it to Lily Evans to get called out by a nine-year old," noted Donna.

After dinner Marlene walked Valentina back to her chambers. The little girl hugged her again.

"Can I play with you again?" asked Valentina, and Marlene's heart went out to her. Valentina hadn't asked in a happy way, but a sad one. It sounded like she was lonely.

"Sure."

"Really?

"Really."

"Oh thank you!" Valentina exclaimed as she hugged Marlene again.

After the hug, Marlene bent over to speak to her, eye-to-eye. "I'll tell you what," she said. "Why don't I come find you this weekend and you can come hang out with me. As long as it's okay with your father."

"Oh it will be!" She hugged Marlene again, and this time around the shoulders, which made it easier for Marlene to respond with her own hug.

"I will see you soon."

"Soon!" replied the little girl. And with that, she skipped inside.

* * *

Lily was busy organizing her charms notes in the Head Boy and Girl's office when someone knocked. She had been expecting James- it was their first patrol together since returning back from break, but he would have just opened the door. Also, he was early. She got up and quickly messed with her hair- just in case. However, when she opened the door, it wasn't James. It was Donna.

Lily stood up. "Donna? Hey- what's going on? What are you doing here?"

"What? Do I need an excuse to drop in on my best friend these days?" asked Donna as she leaned against the door frame.

Lily laughed. "Ha no- I just know you. You don't just 'drop in'- unless you hit your head. Everything has a purpose- you don't waste energy or time. Wait- Have you hit your head?"

"No. I just wanted to finish our conversation from before." Donna came in and closed the door behind her. She sat in one of the spare chairs across from Lily's desk. It was weird being here- in the Head Girl's office. By now, Donna understood why Dumbledore had made the decision he had when it came to Head Girl. (Though James Potter as Head Boy remained a mystery to her.) It didn't mean she still wasn't jealous, that she still didn't wish it was her and not Lily Evans sitting at that desk.

"From before when?" Lily had completely forgotten- the look on her face made that clear to Donna.

"From the Potters- my conversation with Lathe over break," replied Donna.

The realization of why Donna was here came over Lily. She sat defeated back into her chair. "Oh, that's right. I'm sorry Donna I meant to come find you, but then-"

"But then James Potter happened. And Sirius got drunk. It's okay though- I figured something was up when Mr. and Mrs. Potter disappeared. Kingsley noticed too."

"He did?" Lily tried her hardest not to have her face betray her inner worry. She continued, "I'm sorry Donna. My mind has been in a millions places."

"It's okay. Like I said, I could tell something was going on. I'm not made of some delicate lace here, Evans. I get it. I could have said something in the Great Hall the other day or in the common room last evening; but what I have to say, I didn't want to say in front of the others."

"Okay," was all Lily could muster for the moment as her self-disappointment in herself changed into worry. "What's going on?"

Donna exhaled. She had yet to say it aloud since that day she sat at the table with Lathe. Saying it again would make it real. She didn't want it to be real. She wanted to go back before he had said those things- when Hogwarts felt safe.

"Lily, Lathe said he's using students." There. Donna finally got it out.

"He? Who's he? And what do you mean using-," Lily interrupted herself, "you mean _he's_ using students? He's using them for what?"

"He's recruiting them. According to the ministry's sources, he-who-must-not-be-named is targeting students because we're vulnerable. He said that-"

A second knock at the door interrupted Donna. Remus Lupin opened the door a crack and poked his head through.

"Remus, what are you doing here?" Lily asked.

"I hope you don't mind. I asked James to switch with me."

"Oh no, not at all." Lily did her best not to sound disappointed. Lily turned to Donna, "Donna- can we?"

"Yes, I'll find you sometime later. I mean, you get the gist of it- it basically all boils down to that," said Donna.

Lily looked at Donna very seriously. She made a point to make eye contact with her friend and nod. She wanted Donna to know that she had understood the severity of what Donna had just shared with her.

"Good. Until then," said Donna.

"Yes," replied Lily as her friend made her way out the door.

"Goodbye you two. Have fun catching the kiddos making out," and Donna left them

Remus turned to Lily. "I'm sorry if I interrupted anything important."

"No, no. Just some girl stuff," Lily tried to cover up her worry. She didn't want to say anything more to anyone until she had talked to Donna again. What proof did Lathe have? Her mind kept returning to last year when Logan Harper had returned and tried to recruit her then boyfriend Luke. Just some girl stuff? Lily didn't even know what the excuse meant. She hated it, but she knew from her sister that it would shut boys up and stop them from prying.

Remus interrupted her thoughts. "Shall we?" he asked.

"We shall." And with that, the two made their way out into the hall.

"Where to?" asked Lily.

"You guide me, my dear."

"Alright then." And Lily took a left.

"Lily, we're friends right?"

"Yes, of course. That's an easy, though silly, question. Next."

"Right, and we've been friends for a while, right?"

"Yes. Another easy question."

"But, until very recently, we've kept each other at a distance."

"What do you mean 'at a distance?'" asked Lily. She was a little perturbed by the question he had just asked.

"What I mean is, even though we have been friends for a long time, we don't tell each other everything."

Lily understood where he was going, but still she countered him, "No two friends tell each other every little thing."

"Right, but some of us have bigger secrets than others."

"Yes, but there are reasons those secrets are secrets."

"Of course, but when do you decide to tell someone your secret? Do you just blurt it out over dinner or do you wait until you almost accidentally kill one of their friends?"

Lily understood. "Oh Remus."

"Oh Remus is right," replied her friend.

"You are debating whether or not you should tell Clancy."

"Exactly."

"Well, take me through it." Lily asked.

Remus began. He told Lily about how it- the bite, happened; and how everything changed with his mother afterwards. He went over visiting Hogwarts with his father and telling Dumbledore and McGonagall. He explained how James, Sirius, and Peter found out. Then finally, how Lily and Snape found out that fateful night last spring when Sirius told Snape about the Whomping Willow, which led him to the Shrieking Shack and a transformed Remus.

Lily nodded, asking questions here and there such as 'how old were you again,' 'what year was that,' and 'who told them first.' When they got to the story of the Shrieking Shack, Lily grew quieter. She wanted to hear it from Remus's point of view. It had been a traumatizing experience for him- all of it had, but this was the most recent. As a result, the wounds had barely begun to heal. The memory seemed to disturb him the most.

When he finished, Lily asked the big question. She had an idea how he might answer, but she wanted to hear it from him. "Remus, why are you telling me this?"

"I want to know what changed with us, with you, after you found out."

Lily thought for a minute. He was asking her because she was a girl; and because she was a girl, she might have some insight into how Clancy would react.

"Remus I have known you for years, and I have known you well."

"But-," Remus started to interrupt her.

"I am not finished. I have known you for years, and I have known you well, but I did not know all your secrets. Yes- secrets, with an s. You are a multi-dimensional person, Remus. I may not have realized how much so until recently, but I have known for a while that you are more than what you seem. I also know that I do not know everything, and I am okay with that. I am okay with learning slowly, although I am also okay with learning quickly."

Remus said nothing.

Lily continued, "However I am always learning. It will never stop. Just like I hope to surprise you sometimes."

"So what you're saying is…"

"Not yet Remus. Let her know the little things first. Just like you want to get to know the little things first."

Remus stood quietly for a moment, taking in everything Lily had said not quite sure what to think just yet.

Lily looked over at her friend, she couldn't exactly tell what he was thinking. He wasn't making eye contact, and his hands were stuffed in his pockets. She wished her words had reassured him more. She wanted to help him more. She slowly realized the only way to do this was by letting her actions speak louder than her words.

"Remus, did I ever tell you about the first time I let James in?"

Remus looked up at his friend and laughed. "Lily- are you telling me what I think you're telling me?"

"Oh merlin get your head out of the gutter!" But it was good to have a laugh with her friend. After all this serious conversation that made it a lot easier to continue. "Let me phrase it this way, have I ever told you about the day I realized James Potter was human?"

"James Potter is human? What?" exclaimed Remus rather amusingly.

"I'm serious Remus! It was last fall, over a year ago now, actually. Everything was going on with the suicides, Severus, the punch, Luke… it was a lot. My friends, well it's not that they weren't there for me, I just felt like I couldn't talk to them. I had always gone to Severus with this stuff, and that wasn't an option anymore."

"It was a crazy fall."

"It was. But the thing about it was, James wasn't some random person I just opened up to. I had known him for years."

Remus nodded his head.

Lily continued, "And so telling him didn't feel like quite a stretch. I just let him in a little bit, and then he shared some stuff with me. It sounds weird to put it this way, but I was testing the waters. Seeing what I could tell him, if I could trust him, even after I had known him all that time."

"I see."

"I told him about my father. I had never really told anyone about him. My father was just a normal guy with a normal job, but now he's gone."

"Oh I'm sorry Lily- I didn't know."

"Not many people do. Donna, Mary, and Marlene came to the services. Severus stayed the longest. He lived close by so that made sense. But that was it. I never talked about it with them."

"How'd he die?"

"Lung cancer. At the time people argued over why, but later we knew why- the cigarettes."

"But you sent those to James?"

"After my father died, I went on this binge. I was anxious about everything- I had lost a huge part of my foundation, and I was grasping at straws for a bit. I guess I'm not the kind of girl who has a huge rebellion or anything crazy."

"Lily Evans, I think you underestimate yourself."

"I think you do too, but that's not the point. The point is that I smoked for a bit. My sister caught me one night and freaked. She grabbed the cigarettes out of my hand, ripped them apart, and threw them in the trash. Then she poured bleach on them for good measure- afraid I would use some spell to put them back together, I suppose. Anyways, I sent them to James for other reasons. If he wanted to smoke a few, that's okay. Really I just wanted him to know that little rebellions are okay, and sometimes needed during a time like this."

"Lily, why are you telling me all this?"

Lily exhaled. "Remus, did you know any of this about me before?"

"No."

"And we're friends, right?"

"Right."

"And we've been friends for a while, no?"

"Ah, I see your point."

"Some things take a while to share."

"Some things do," Remus replied.

A moment of silence passed between the two friends.

"Lily, I'm worried. My secret- it could hurt someone."

"I know, but we won't let it."

"Lily, there's so much about this you don't know."

"I know, and that's okay. It doesn't mean I like you any less or don't want to be your friend. It just means that we have to take some time to figure it all out."

"I am afraid- what if I hurt her?"

"Remus, she's not heading down to the Shrieking Shack anytime soon. No one is. Don't put too much pressure on it, okay? Just let it work itself out."

"You really think so Lily?"

"I really do."

Lily and Remus stopped in front of the Head Girl's office while Lily headed in to get her things. When she returned to the hallway, Remus had another question for Lily.

"Lily, when did you know?"

"What do you mean?"

"When did you know you loved James?"

"Remus…"

"Lily- you can't lie to me. I know you too well now."

Lily laughed. "Hmm… I knew it for sure when I saw him on the platform at the beginning of the year. He was standing with Sirius. He had his stupid badge on and was leaning against something. His hair was a mess, like it always is, and he ran his hand through it as if that was going to fix it. We all know nothing can tame that mane of his. And then Sirius said something to make him laugh, and there it was: his smile. All I wanted to do was see that smile. I think that's when I knew, but I also think I loved him before that."

Remus raised an eyebrow, "Oh really?"

"I punched Nicolai Mulciber for him, didn't I?"

Remus and Lily laughed. She had her moments.

"Remus, it will all be fine. Trust me."

"Thank you Lily. I needed this."

"I think I did to." They made their way to the portrait of the lady, but just before they went inside, Lily grabbed Remus's sleeve. "Remus, I know this is silly to say, but don't tell James."

"I would never betray your trust Lily."

"Thank you. It's just that I…" Lily stumbled over her own words. Something she wasn't used to, but it happened time to time.

"I understand Lily." Remus kissed his friend on the forehead, and the two retreated to their rooms.

* * *

When Adam heard the music playing in the hallway, he was surprised. Bob Dylan- who at Hogwarts knew Bob Dylan, let alone had his record? He had a feeling he knew, but it couldn't be. Marlene's record player was up in her room and annoying to lug around. He turned the corner and followed the sound. Classes were done for the day so all the classrooms were empty. He couldn't be sure which one it was and so he had to open a few. On the third, there she was, but she wasn't alone. And it wasn't her record player.

The two were chattering away, and they didn't notice him open the door. He watched for a bit. Marlene was pointing out all the various switches and nobs on the record player in front of her. It was a little green one with a lid that would close and cover the top and a handle on the side. The sound wasn't great, thought Adam, but it wasn't bad.

"Ahem" he coughed.

Marlene jumped up startled. "Adam- oh hi! You scared me."

"Who are you?" the little girl asked.

"Valentina, this is Adam. He's in my house. We play Quidditch together."

"Oh! What position do you play?"

"Umm…" Adam wasn't sure what to make of this little girl. He actually was surprised he had hung around at all when he saw Marlene. Aside from their interaction on the Quidditch field, Adam made a point to avoid her. And not just her, everyone. Adam didn't really want to see much of anyone these days.

Marlene answered for him. "He's the keeper."

"Oh that's the position I want to play! Can a girl be a keeper?"

"Of course," answered Adam. He was surprised at the ease with which these last two words came out. He was even more surprised when he continued, "Some of the greatest keepers in Hogwarts history have been girls. Francine Feinstein was a Hufflepuff seventh year when we first started. Her skills almost got Hufflepuff the house cup that year."

"Really?" Valentina's eyes widened.

"Really. And the keepers an easy job compared to what Marlene does. If a girl can be a chaser, a girl can be a keeper."

"I think Marlene's the best out there," replied Valentina without hesitation.

"Yeah. She's real good isn't she?"

Valentina nodded her head, and Marlene blushed. She had no idea what shade of red she was turning right now, but she was sure it was a bright one.

"What's that you have there?" asked Adam.

"It's my record player! I just got it. Marlene helped me pick it out. Look!" With that she stopped the music and flipped over the cover. "It's got a handle and everything!"

"That is quite the record player. What have you got to play on it?"

"This is Marlene's record. Mine are still coming. My papa has my grandmother, my mum's mum, send these things for me. He doesn't really know about this kind of stuff, but Marlene does."

"Yes she does," Adam looked up at his friend. They made eye contact. Boy, did he miss her. It was the first time he had really looked at her in a long time, and it make his heart ache. With that, he got up.

"Well, I will leave you two to your Dylan. Valentina, right?"

"Right."

"Valentina I expect to see you again and hear more about your blossoming record collection- especially if you have something she doesn't have." He nodded in Marlene's direction. "I'm hoping you can introduce me to some new music."

Valentina giggled, "Okay."

"Alright, well bye."

"Bye Adam," said Marlene in a low voice. She didn't want him to go, but she knew she couldn't ask him to say.

"Bye Adam!" Valentina spoke much more loudly and waved.

* * *

About ten seconds after Adam left the room, Marlene looked at Valentina. "Valentina, will you give me a moment? I need to ask Adam about our next practice."

"Okay," said Valentina and she went back to fiddling with her new toy.

"Adam! Adam- wait up!" Marlene shouted down the hallway. Adam turned around.

"Marlene."

"Adam. I just wanted to ask how you're doing, but, you know, I didn't want to ask it in front of Valentina."

Adam exhaled and looked up. "I am doing okay."

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

Adam still looked up. He didn't want to cry- he hadn't yet and he didn't know why he felt like had to now. "No. There's nothing you can do."

"Oh," Marlene tried to hide the disappointment in her voice.

"I'm sorry Marlene. I can't…" and Adam turned to leave.

"Can't what?" Marlene reached out her hand to stop him from turning away. She knew she was pushing it. She knew she was supposed to be patient, but she couldn't help it.

"I can't do this. Not now. When I see you, I think of her."

Marlene said nothing. She knew he meant his sister.

"And I think of how I will never see her again. And it hurts. Seeing you hurts."

"Oh." This time Marlene did not try to hide the disappointment. It was there. There was no point.

"I'm sorry, Marlene. I really am." And with that, Adam walked around the corner. Marlene wiped her eyes and returned to the room where Valentina had started playing music again.

* * *

When he knew Marlene was gone, Adam came back. He just peaked around the corner, and then he let himself sink to the floor. He wiped away his stray tears. He hadn't meant the words he said, at least he hadn't meant them to hurt Marlene. He was angry- he was so angry with it all. How could it have happened? How could Sarah be gone? It made no sense. And worse, he took it out on the one person he cared about most in the world. He sat there motionless and listened to the music as it drifted from the classroom.

Sarah would have liked this song, he thought.

* * *

Alice Longbottom shifted in her seat uncomfortably at the café. It was her and Frank's one night off together in the past three weeks. She had been looking forward to a dinner out, some relaxation, and some sleep, among other things. When Frank announced this meeting with Dumbledore, she complained.

"Frank you know what he wants. Why are we doing this?"

"I don't know. I just want to hear him out again."

"You do?" Alice was surprised. When Dumbledore first met with them last year at Hogwarts, Alice had been intrigued; but Frank was more of a company man. If they were going to be aurors, it was now or never, he said, so they stuck with the plan. However, here her lovely husband was: arranging a meeting with Dumbledore and confusing the hell out of her.

Alice had arrived from the office first and found the café Dumbledore had mentioned. She got a table for three and hoped Frank would arrive before Dumbledore. No luck. As she sipped on her tea, in walked the wizard himself- in a suit no less.

Alice couldn't help herself, "Professor Dumbledore? Is that you?" Not only did he change out of his robes, but his hair was swept back into a low ponytail. He was still Dumbledore though. His glasses hung ever-so-precipitously on the edge of his nose. And of course, the hat. Slightly askew, but somehow securely perched on his head. There was also the color of that suit. She thought the only muggle she had seen wear one of those was that piano player in Vegas. This deep, dark purple was a good color on Dumbledore though.

"I believe this is what people talk about when they say 'incognito.' Am I pulling it off?"

Alice laughed. She didn't want to hurt his feelings, so she found a safe answer. "Professor Dumbledore I think I would always recognize you no matter what you are wearing. It's your eyes. They always give you away."

He winked, "Oh well. Can't blame me for trying."

"Frank should be on his way- he got stuck on an errand at the office so I came ahead."

"Right," Dumbledore continued, "but you and I can go ahead and get started."

Alice felt uncomfortable, but he was the headmaster of Hogwarts, was he not? Who was she to argue with him? Okay, so she wasn't a student anymore, but long-held roles are hard to fall out of.

"Alice, have you given any more thought to our discussion last spring?"

Alice nodded. The Order. Dumbledore's answer to Voldemort's Death Eaters. The ministry was underestimating him, and Voldemort knew that. Voldemort wanted a battle, Dumbledore had said, and he was expecting us to be unprepared. He counted on it.

"Given the events this past summer and fall, I'm re-evaluating my offer."

"You are?" Alice was surprised by the disappointment in her voice. They had declined it, but it didn't mean she didn't want to be asked ago or that she hadn't thought about it every day since walking into Peverall Hall that cold November day.

"Yes, after I discussed it with Frank again-"

"What? What do you mean discussed it with Frank again?" The mention of her husband's name and a possible meeting without her knowledge caused the newlywed to dismiss all manners and decorum. She had interrupted Dumbledore. She would have to make a mental note of that one. She'd probably never be doing that again.

"Yes, we met the other day. I wanted to talk to you each individually. I know it's a bit unfair of me, but you both are so talented- independently of one another. If I could just get one of you-"

"What do you mean one of us?" Twice in one lifetime. Alice must have been going for some record. That, or maybe she could be a little more reckless that she gave herself credit for. "We're husband and wife Professor Dumbledore. We're a team. We made a vow to each other, and we intend to keep it." At least she did. She was going to kill Frank.

"Ah yes, that's what Frank said," replied Dumbledore. Maybe she didn't have to kill Frank after all. Dumbledore continued, "What do you think of Barty Crouch?"

"Mr. Crouch? He's wonderful actually- so much better than the Dearborn bloke before him. It's the first time since I've been there that I've seen the D.M.L.E. and Department of Aurors function alongside one another. Even Moody and he seem to get along."

"Alex Potter hand picked him, did you know that?" Alice shook her head. Dumbledore continued, "It seems that Alex had actually shortlisted Crouch when he made his retirement announcement, but some wizards conveniently lost that list."

Even before Alice was a ministry employee, the inner workings and politics of the Ministry of Magic intrigued her. She listened intently, hoping Dumbledore would reveal more. He didn't.

"Alice, have you thought anymore about my offer from last spring?"

"Some," but Alice didn't want to divulge more. Her and Frank had discussed it again. And again. And again. Especially after that cold November day.

"Alice, I think you and Frank should remain aurors."

This surprised Alice. She was not expecting that at all. All of a sudden, her feelings switched from the anxiety of having to say _no_ to Dumbledore yet again to disappointment in the idea that Dumbledore no longer wanted her on his team- yet again.

"Alice, I am just coming from meeting with the Weasleys. Arthur is a new father- obviously he cannot give up his position at the ministry. However, he still wants to help. He still wants to play his part."

"Okay," Alice wasn't sure where Dumbledore was going with this. What did she have to do with the Weasleys?

"Alice, what would you say to remaining an auror _and_ aiding in the cause?"

"What do you mean?"

"Alice, we are going to need all the help we can get- especially from talented wizards and witches, such as yourself." Alice was relieved- Dumbledore still thought highly of her. She also blushed- he had actually complimented her. Dumbledore had given her a compliment even after she interrupted him twice.

Dumbledore continued, "We need wizards and witches we can trust- we need to be able to trust with our lives."

Alice nodded. That made sense.

Dumbledore exhaled, "Alice, I want you and Frank to remain aurors. However, I would also like you to work with the Order."

"You want us to do both?"

"Yes."

"But how? Frank and I don't have enough time as is."

"I know. But just to know you're on our side- that would make me feel so much better."

Her? Make Dumbledore feel better? She must be imagining this all. This is a dream. She dreamed up the café with its red-topped, round tables and wait staff that could barely be bothered long enough to take your order. Pretty soon Dream Dumbledore across from her would say she needed to apparate to Chile right away, and she would; and the dream would start again.

Dumbledore went on, "Alice, would you reconsider my offer?"

After a moment Alice asked, "What did Frank say?"

"He said nothing because I have not asked him yet."

"Oh," Alice wasn't sure what that meant. Why hadn't Dumbledore asked Frank when they met? Not that he could have answered. This is something they would discuss together.

"To be honest, Frank and I have thought back to your offer. We find ourselves often questioning what good we can do as trainee aurors. It can be frustrating. But here, you're not asking me to give that up- you're asking me to do both. I don't understand how we can do that."

Dumbledore exhaled, "I'm not giving up Alice. I want you on my team, but I do understand if you're saying no."

"I'm not saying no. I'm asking how?"

* * *

It was a chilly Thursday night in January the first time James and Lily got a chance to patrol together after the break. They had a few chances to talk here and there as well as a few study sessions in the library, but nothing too deep. Even though James had plenty of deep items going on in his life right now, he felt light as he made his way to the Head Boy and Girl office. He had not had been able to spend too much time alone with Lily, and he was looking forward to tonight. When James walked in, Lily was sitting at the desk writing in a thick, brown leather-bound book.

"What's that?" asked James

Lily looked up. James swore she blushed just a little.

"Oh nothing," she replied.

"Seriously- what is that Snaps?"

"Promise not to laugh?"

"Promise," replied James.

"I journal," Lily said as she met James eyes and watched that intoxicatingly handsome crooked smile spread across his face. "What?" she asked.

"Nothing. It just makes sense."

"It does?" she asked.

"Yes, it does," replied James. "So do we spend the evening here? Or-"

"Or," Lily interrupted. "Did you bring the Benson and Hodges?"

"Yes," James said as he tossed Lily the almost-empty package. "I've been meaning to ask you about that. I thought you knew I was giving it up."

Lily opened up the package and the two last cigarettes slid out into her hand. She held them up in front of James. "Giving it up, eh? Looks about right."

"Sirius," he shrugged in response to Lily. She looked at him skeptically. "Seriously!" he added. The two laughed.

"James, I knew you wanted to quit or had quit or something, but I thought just one last one for the both of us."

"One last one?"

"One last one," Lily responded as she handed the two cigarettes back to James

"For both of us?" asked James.

"For both of us," Lily repeated.

"Well then, let's go," James answered as Lily led the way to the Astronomy Tower.

* * *

Lily's heartbeat set her pace. Bum-bum, right foot. Bum-bum, left foot. Bum-bum, right foot. Bum-bum, left foot. She thought James must have heard it. She was definitely giving herself away. Bum-bum, right foot. Bum-bum, left foot. He had to know, right? She was doing such a poor job of hiding it. She had been looking forward to this evening all day. All week in fact. Studying for her NEWTs had been painful. Plus she had sat down and talked to Donna briefly again before Marlene flew into the room. Something about that little girl and Adam and Bob Dylan. She knew she should talk to James about what Donna had told her, but she also knew he had a lot on his plate. Bum-bum, right foot. Bum-bum, left foot. James must hear it. Bum-bum, right foot. Bum-bum, left foot. Lily decided she should hold her breath.

"Well, here we are. Shall we?" and James handed Lily a cigarette.

Lily took it. "Cheers," and she tapped her cigarette with James.

* * *

 _How did she do it_? James thought to himself. She walked towards him, by him, and out the door cool as a cucumber. He caught just a whiff of her apple-scented shampoo. Just a whiff was all he needed. It was like a drug- he was hooked. He would follow her anywhere.

She walked alongside him. He couldn't help but watched her every move: the way she stepped to a rhythm that he couldn't quite get, how her hand tucked her hair behind her ear, and her eyes. Those eyes.

When they got closer to the tower, the steps narrowed. He walked behind her. He watched every sway of her body. He longed to reach out and wrap his arms around her waist, bury his face in her hair, and kiss her neck; and then turn her around and kiss her lips. He played the fantasy out so naturally in his head- as if they had done it a million times before. However, they had not, and they stepped out into the night air of the astronomy tower.

The cool wind hit James's face. He looked down at Lily and offered her a cigarette. "Well, here we are. Shall we?"

Lily took it. "Cheers."

They lit their cigarettes, and James slowly exhaled. Lily and James watched his smoky breath curl through the air.

"I get it," said Lily.

"What's that?"

"Why you like the way it looks- how the smoke moves through the air so smoothly and then just disappears."

"Yeah, it's nice," but James didn't mean it as he said it. He had given them up, and he was really only doing this because she had asked. Not that he really blamed her. It was a nice gesture.

Then it was Lily's turn. She tried to imitate her friend, but to no avail. She had only picked up cigarettes for a short while, and truly and deeply inhaling had never been her thing. She started to hack up a storm. James laughed, and she joined him.

"I guess there are other reasons to give this up," she shared as she continued to cough and laugh.

"Yep. There are," and James took the cigarette from his mouth. "What shall we do now?"

"Pitch 'em?" Lily asked.

"Sounds like a good idea. On the count of three. One," started James. Lily added her voice to the "two" and "three." They threw the cigarettes and started to watch them fall from the tower, but James didn't finish. He didn't really care about the cigarettes. He just enjoyed standing close to Lily. Their arms touched- it was almost as if Lily was leaning on him.

"Now that was a sight to see," added Lily as she turned to James.

"Mmm hmm," replied James. He didn't want to say much- he didn't want to ruin the moment.

Lily turned her head and looked out over the rooftops of Hogwarts castle. She just wanted to stand there with her shoulder pressed against his. They stood there in silence and the chill for a few minutes, quietly enjoying one another's company.

"James," asked Lily breaking the silence. "What will you do after this?"

"I assume I'll go to bed and wake up tomorrow for breakfast."

"That's not what I mean."

"I know, but I'm liking where I am right now."

"Me too," and Lily turned to face James again. He was looking right at her. This was going to be it. She was going to kiss James Potter and be kissed by him. She knew it would be good- not from rumors or stories, she just knew. Lily leaned in as she saw James lean over. This was it. It was really happening.

When Lily's face had turned and her eyes had met James, it surprised him how comfortable and carefree he felt. He forgot everything else. He could hear nothing but the sound of his own heartbeat. And then it all changed. His mouth felt dry. His stomach knotted up in anticipation. It was finally happening. Finally. He leaned over to meet Lily's lips.

And then, the unthinkable happened. Again. "Ahem," coughed a figure from behind them.

They both turned, startled and surprised, to find Lathe.

"I see patrol is going well tonight," stated the wizard. James could have killed him- not literally, but he would do anything to take back the last few seconds and make this man disappear.

"Yes, we were just checking the tower for students," stated Lily. James could see her cheeks blushing as she made eye contact with Lathe and turned her head from side to side. "We should be going now," Lily said as she turned to James.

"Yes, leave- more halls to walk," added James as he started to make his way to the stairwell. Lily was right behind him. Thrice now- in her driveway, at his parent's Christmas party, and now on the astronomy tower, James Potter had almost kissed Lily Evans. Thrice something had stopped them. _At least_ , he told himself, _this time it wasn't her._

"Wait."

Lily and James turned to face Lathe. What was he going to do? Report them? James wanted to see the look on McGonagall's as Lathe described the scene he had just walked in on. Would she have been surprised? Impressed by James moves? Disappointed in Lily's taste in men? It didn't matter, he told himself. They were Head Boy and Head Girl on patrol after all. They had done nothing wrong.

"I came to find the two of you," he stated. "I want to talk to you both, as Head Girl and Head Boy, about some recent developments."

"Oh," was all Lily managed at that moment.

"I think down in my office would be a bit more appropriate." And with that, James and Lily left the Astronomy Tower and followed Lathe downstairs.

* * *

About halfway there, James turned and whispered in Lily's ear. "Do you know what this is about?"

She shrugged her shoulders. She lied. She had an idea it had to do with what Donna had told her, but she had said nothing to James. She told herself it was because she didn't want him to worry. Now, as they made their way downstairs, she started to worry she had kept the secret for other reasons.

"Right this way, here are some chairs." They walked into Lathe's office. The former-auror cleared some paperwork off of one his chairs. Rather than sit behind the desk, he brought his chair over and opposite from the ones that Lily and James just sat in. Lathe went straight to it. "Mr. Potter, Ms. Evans, I have received intel from the ministry that he-who-must-not-be-named is recruiting here at Hogwarts."

"What? Hogwarts? Why?" asked a shocked James.

"He has a special connection to the place. He went to school here after all. He also knows how vulnerable and impressionable young students can be."

Lily's mind turned to Severus. _Please don't say his name. Please don't say his name._ She hoped her face wouldn't betray her inner thoughts.

Lathe continued, "As Head Boy and Head Girl I felt it impertinent for you to know. No one else knows- except Donna Shacklebolt."

"Wait. You're telling me that Volde- I mean, he-who-must-not-be-named has an insider, or possible insiders, here at Hogwarts."

"Yes."

"And the ministry has known this-"

Lathe interrupted, "The ministry doesn't know for sure. There are just theories. For example, last year Logan Harper returned to Hogsmeade and attempted to recruit his younger brother for a mission in London."

Lily didn't dare look at James, but she felt his eyes on her. She didn't know what to say, but she knew she had to change the subject. The memory flashed before her eyes. She felt ill. "Do you know anything more?" she asked. Her voice was too calm, she thought. She was giving herself away. James would blame her. He would be upset with her. Tonight would be just another night between them that had gone from good to bad to way worse.

"Well," Lathe stated, "according to our intel, the followers of he-who-must-not-be-named have been meeting with students. They have asked these students to perform unthinkable acts as a sign of allegiance and pledge of loyalty." Lily's mind raced back to last year- Mary, Marlene. It couldn't be true, and yet, it made complete sense. Those unforgivable curses had not been performed at Hogwarts in years, and then they happened. She turned to James to stop him.

"You stopped Nicolai Mulciber," James began, "but no one knows who performed the cruciatus curse on Marlene."

"No one?" asked Lathe. Oh merlin- Donna must have said something. Lily had to stop it. She didn't want to hear his name. Once it was said, it couldn't be taken back.

"I have my theories," added James.

"Yes, that is what Ms. Shacklebolt said. And now, if you could, I would like to hear them."

"No," said Lily as James opened his mouth. She closed her eyes. She knew she couldn't stop him, but she also wanted it to be known that she disagreed.

"No?" asked Lathe. "And why's that?"

Lily could feel James's anger next to her. "Because he was her friend, or is, I never know." Lily looked away. James continued, "he was in the castle the day Marlene was cursed. Most of the students were away at Hogsmeade enjoying a day away, but he was here."

"And I take it you think he wasn't here because of a hefty homework load?"

"No. He was here and so was his friend. Saul Something-or-other."

"Hester," Lily whispered. She looked Lathe in the eye. She didn't like it, but she had to tell the truth. She looked over at James. His eyes stared straight ahead and refused to meet hers.

"Okay, Saul Hester. And Nicolai Mulciber performed the curse on Mary McDonald later on. I saw that with my own eyes. There are rumors of other victims- a Ravenclaw second year, a Hufflepuff girl."

"Others?" asked Lily.

"Others," answered Lathe, and then he continued, "So who was this wizard who stayed back from Hogsmeade? Who do you think performed this curse on Marlene Price?"

"Severus Snape," James stated purposely and without hesitation. James did it so quickly. Lily realized he had done it that way so she would not have a moment to register Lathe's question.

"Yes. Severus Snape," she responded. The strength in her voice surprised her.

"Do you have any other proof? Anything that can prove he was here in the castle other than his word against yours?" Lathe inquired.

James looked away. Lily knew he had proof, but she also knew he wouldn't share it. James responded with a cold "no."

"No," added Lily.

"Alright then, well now you know some of what I know. If you would, could you please have two patrol teams every night? Mix up the teams as well- no two people from the same house. Also, random pairing. We don't want some to get too comfortable. I've already let Dumbledore and McGonagall know. If you could, please share the new patrol schedule with me." Lily and James nodded. "Alright, that's all for now. I will get that new schedule from you on Friday."

And with that Lily and James left the office.

"James… James! Slow down. Please, can we talk?" asked Lily.

"Not right now. I don't want to fight with you anymore Lily. Not tonight. Not after everything. Let's just check the map and see who's out. Then, bed."

Lily nodded. She could tell he was upset, and she knew why. Their moment of happiness was over. It had tumbled down to the ground with their last two cigarettes.

They walked back to the office in silence. While she gathered her books, James looked over the map. No one was out. They could make their way back to the Gryffindor common room, and that's just what they did- in complete silence.

The room was empty when they got there. As James began to make his way to his stairs, he stopped and turned.

"You had an idea, didn't you? When Lathe said he wanted to talk to us, you knew why."

Lily nodded.

"Why didn't you say anything? Donna knew- why didn't you tell me?"

Lily exhaled- she hated that James was disappointed in her. It also bothered her that this bothered her so much. "Donna had mentioned they had talked over holiday, but she was never able to tell me everything. I know it's an excuse, but I didn't want to worry you. I also didn't want to say it aloud. To suggest that this place, of all places, was not safe."

James was the one who nodded this time. "I'm sorry James," she added. She shuffled her feet. The night had been a long one. She needed time to finally process it all. She wanted to be alone.

James turned away again, rested his elbow on the door frame that lead to his room. He took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes with one hand. "Lily," he asked calmly, "do you believe me now? About Snape?"

Lily should not have been surprised by this question. After everything that James had said to Lathe in the office earlier, she should have expected it. However, she didn't. She hugged the book in her arms tighter to her chest. She found an empty chair and sat down.

"I don't know James. I still don't know."

"Why? Why don't you believe me? He is friends with Mulciber and all those freaks." At the sound of the word freak, Lily flinched. "How do you not get this? Snape is not who you think he is. Please Lily- you have to believe me. You have to be careful."

"You don't understand."

"What don't I understand?"

The anger in his voice surprised Lily. She looked up. "James, I'm sorry I cannot be so callous with another wizard's reputation as you are." She got up to leave and headed towards her door.

"Tell me why Lily. Tell me why, after all this time, you are still protecting him." He was no longer leaning on the door frame, but he had turned and fully faced her.

She stopped. "Because he was here before all this." She turned, held out her free hand, and gestured to the room surrounding them. "He was here before you and before Donna and Mary and Marlene and before the letter. He was the only one who told me there wasn't anything wrong with me- that I wasn't a freak, and meant it. He believed in me before anyone else, before I believed in myself." She let both arms fall to her side, one barely holding on to the book she had so tightly grasped. After a moment she continued; but she didn't lift her head as she spoke, "I didn't grow up like you James." She refolded her arms and hugged he book. She shifted the bag on her shoulder and turned to her stairs.

"Lily," James called.

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"That this is happening. I guess I get it- how much he means to you."

"I'm sorry too," she replied, though she was sorry for much more than Severus Snape. She headed up her stairs. She could feel James watching her, waiting for something, but she just wanted to go to bed. She was exhausted.


End file.
